In Week 2 of the NFL season, we answer the burning question: How many more quarterbacks can we put on the injured-reserve list? We also address the NFL drug suspension policy.
Which goes like this:
Bad boy.
Shame on you.
Go play golf for 30 days and think about what you have done.
As near as I can tell, this whole problem began with Dexter Manley, who somehow let it be known during training camp that a big mouth wasn’t his only
problem. And commissioner Pete Rozelle — always the disciplinarian — banged his gavel and said: “Oh, Dex, you nut. You kill me. Take 30 days and straighten this mess out.”
After which, Lawrence Taylor, nobody’s fool, quickly fell off the rehab wagon and decided it would be best to take a month off to write about the experience for his upcoming second book. Pretty soon, everybody was doing it. Charles White. Those guys from Cincinnati. After all, what’s 30 days? It takes Tampa Bay that long to score a touchdown.
The result is no results, but a lot of teams with empty lockers. What did
you expect? Thirty days is barely enough time to develop a drug habit, much less break one. The whole thing is a joke. To fix it, I recommend that Pete Rozelle come out of his tanning booth and spend some time in the real world.
Say, 30 days?
And now, for this week’s picks. . . .
LA RAMS 23, LIONS 14: The difference between Atlanta and LA — besides comedy clubs, decent weather and the ability to make a right turn on a red light — is that LA has some football talent.
CHICAGO 28, INDIANAPOLIS 20: Richard Dent claims he says no to drugs. Unfortunately, he also says no to drug tests.
DENVER 28, SAN DIEGO 7: The Babe Laufenberg era rolls on and on.
MINNESOTA 21, NEW ENGLAND 20: Coach Jerry Burns says his offense made 24 mental errors last week in losing to Buffalo. Yes. The first mental error was going to Buffalo.
HOUSTON 16, LA RAIDERS 14: There’s a Moon out tonight. But with all those running backs, will the Oilers even notice?
PHILADELPHIA 30, CINCINNATI 20: And the pass goes to Quick, who takes it and spins, Quick, down the sideline, Quick, look how quick, oh, he’s quick, he’s very Quick!
GREEN BAY 21, TAMPA BAY 10: I wait every year for this, the great battle of the Bays. And every year, my reaction is the same: WHO CARES?
SAN FRANCISCO 17, NY GIANTS 16: Is it just my imagination, or is there a bull’s-eye taped to Joe Montana?
SEATTLE 26, KANSAS CITY 12: This is an easy game to pick. The Chiefs haven’t won in the Kingdome since 1981. Of course, if they win today, I’ll just say, “Well, you know, they were due.”
BUFFALO 35, MIAMI 34: The best offense is a good defense. The best defense is a good offense. And in Miami’s case, the best defense is anybody else’s.
CLEVELAND 13, NY JETS 6: Gary Danielson starts as the Browns’ quarterback,
proving that old Lions don’t die, they just show up on better teams.
NEW ORLEANS 24, ATLANTA 10: The Saints lost two right guards to injury last week. This week a large can of deodorant will line up at the position.
WASHINGTON 31, PITTSBURGH 21: I’m really waiting for the Steelers to play the Eagles so Bubby Brister can be introduced to Buddy Ryan, and someone can say: “Bubby, Buddy. Buddy, Bubby.”
(MONDAY NIGHT) DALLAS 21, PHOENIX 20: Here is all I want to know about the first NFL game to be played in Arizona: Where is Arizona, and is it air-conditioned?
BEST PICK LAST WEEK: Pittsburgh 20, Dallas 19 (Pittsburgh won, 24-21).
WORST PICK LAST WEEK: Miami 21, Chicago 17 (Chicago won, 34-7).
RECORD LAST WEEK: 9-5.
RECORD VS. THE SPREAD: 8-6.
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