Home › Forums › To Mitch › A NOT SO CHANCE ENCOUNTER WAS OUR AFFIRMATION OF HOPE › Reply To: A NOT SO CHANCE ENCOUNTER WAS OUR AFFIRMATION OF HOPE
First and foremost, now it is my turn to apologize! I did in fact see your reply to me on the day it was posted; however, my health has been in such a state that I have been unable to write back until today.
But you need not worry-I called everyone and anyone, that I had told over the past months about my “intuition” that we were to correspond. As you can imagine, I also told everyone and anyone that I did indeed meet you at the airport, as proof that my constant ramblings, did in fact have meaning.
But oddly enough, it wasn’t until you replied to me personally, did anyone start to say they supported my efforts and dreams. Maybe, because they have seen me suffer through so many let-downs regarding my illness these past few years- trying treatment after treatment- seeing Dr. after Dr., to no avail…or maybe they believed that I could not here the mockery in their voices, or feel the distinct burn of being placated like a child, or the rage rising inside me when I heard the pitch of pity, of which I explained was the worst thing to experience when suffering from chronic illness. I also believe many of them doubted my commitment to writing these past years. That I was trying to save face.
In fact, it wasn’t until my post to you and of my short story(cathedral of consequence), that many of “my circle” had even read any of my work in years. So, that is why the support of complete strangers meant so much to me. They were like a little chorus of angels saying, “go for it”.
Why it wasn’t enough to know what I knew in my heart to be true, be persistent and persuasive, and have enough belief in myself-well I can only speculate. I do think had this been “pre- diagnosis” anyone who knew me would say-that’s who you are-you never quit-you always go for your dreams-and you don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Further, I believe self-doubt started creeping in with much ease, because for a while-I just gave up. And when you give up on yourself, others give up on you too. (Please to all others reading this, do not misinterpret that for one moment (Brock, my mother, Dr. G etc.) that you have been anything less than supportive. The others that I speak of know who they are.)
So, even if this is all that came out of our correspondence-it was still miracle making in my life!
In regard to you not being able to take a look at my work yet-I hold nothing but time (or lack of it) responsible. As I briefly mentioned in my first letter, it is apparent from looking at mitchalbom.com, and your FB page, that you are so busy caring for others, doing philanthropic work, writing a sport’s column, traveling and interviewing for your book tour, doing a weekly TV. show, radio show, making music, and on and on-that I could never be disappointed that it may take you some time to take a look at my work.
It will still be there waiting, and so many have read it already; that only good can come from this. It has also given me the confidence to post some more of my work on your site, later this week. I have also begun to photograph many of my canvas pieces etc., to document and post on my future site. And as a classically trained flautist, I had given up playing because of the strain on my joints, and the rust that clearly needs shaking off-but now I have began playing a little here and there. It still frustrates me that I can no longer play with the talent and fervor that I used to. But, as with all my artistic endeavors, and I am sure yours-you are only doing it because you can’t breath without it. It is not so much for others, but for yourself. Although I am beginning to understand that sharing it, can be so empowering. When I posted Cathedral of Consequence, it was the first time I felt like I could let go of all the heartache poured out onto those pages.
And at the risk of sounding “crazy”, I will also tell you this- All of my writing comes to me in a flood, it’s as if my higher self is sending me a message. Most of the time, I am grabbing napkins, paper bags, backs of envelopes etc, when this happens. Because, if I don’t write it down when it “comes to me” it is gone in a flash. Yes, I may tweak it a little here and there afterwards-but sometimes when I stop to look at it the next day, I can’t believe what came through that pen. (Now that I think about it, this may be part of the reason so many did not believe me about you…as they undoubtedly thought maybe I was going a little mad. Ha! Who cares? Sometimes, to people without faith,you do sound a little out there, those people want the proof before gaining there “buy-in”)
I know this letter is now getting long winded, but hey I can’t stop myself-I guess maybe a little part of me wants to tell you everything all at once, so that when you happen to have the time to look at it, I can steal your undivided attention, and I might not have the chance to do so again. But, I also tend to be long winded when it comes to just about anything, I think I know or want to express.
So, in closing, I promise just one more thing: When we met at the airport I had no idea that you had a new book out. (I know, shame on me, but like I said I’ve been rather isolated from the loop, not being able to use the computer and all.) Anyways, the day we got back from our trip I had a flooded message in the form of poetry; it was all about faith, and our connectedness to everything. This “essay” if you will, is what drove me to write the first letter. For when I went looking for you, and came upon your website, there was the cover of your new book.
And last night I had another, kind of simplistic poem, as a direct quote to you, and how I was to express to you, all that your letter to me meant. I believe these two pieces of writing belong to you. So, I am going to post them next in reply. The first piece is where my quote or theme if you will, that I posted at the end of my original letter came from. “I am a direct reflection of my connection to intention”
Again many thanks to all that you have touched, when you reached out your hand. I hope wherever you are tonight, looking up to speak with whatever version of God you believe in, may you feel the light emanating from the same moon, and may you feel the impact of all the lives you touch. And many thanks to your wife and all you hold dear, for allowing you to respond. Because all time is precious, and this was their gift to me as well.
Robyn C. Mercer
BrocknRobyn@Q.comP.S.: yesterday was my husband’s birthday. Your correspondence could not have been a better birthday gift. So, thanks from Brock as well.