Dealing with loss

Home Forums Tuesdays with Morrie Dealing with loss

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  • #8399
    BrendaD
    Participant

    Dealing with loss is a recurring theme in several of Mitch’s books—Whether it is the loss of a beloved friend or mentor, as in Tuesdays with Morrie, a spouse, a parent, or even a casual acquaintance, everyone If you have lost a loved one, share your stories here—let us know how you are coping, and know that you are not alone.

    #8401
    Shazmac
    Member

    I am writing from Melbourne, Australia. I have only recently read “Tuesday’s with Morrie” and found it to be a fascinating insight into death and dying. I have had a couple of, for me, extremely sad losses. My husband and I had been unable to have a child via IVF, had tried donor embryo’s without success, had applied for and been approved for intercountry adoption (Thailand) when I was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumour in 2001. This required a craniotomy, 33 radiation treatments and 3 months of chemo. This proved to be a devastating blow to our aspirations of finally becoming parents as our approval for Intercountry Adoption was revoked. My struggle to come to terms with all of this continues. Our lives were thrown for a six (a cricketing term) and I had to begin from scratch to invent a whole new life for myself. I have managed to do this with a lot of hard work, therapy, and soul searching. I asked my surgeon, “Why did I get this tumour”, his reply was “Bad luck”.

    #8402
    Caitycathy
    Member

    Its the hardest thing that everyone goes through, because we dont have the power to control what is lost. We all love to have power over something, and when we are forced and our hands are tied behind our backs we have no power over keeping anything here. I should know. Im 19 years old and i lost my god mother to cancer, A diegnosis that NO ONE has the cure to. So desperetly do i wish that i could of done something to help her. No one choses what happens to them in life, its a guessing game. No one asked for cancer but the one that take the challenge on are the most dareing and most amazing people i know. No matter what kind of cancer they have. My godmother was always there for me no matter what. she knew everything about me, even when i would call her and try to hide my upset voice, she knew there was something wrong and always told me to talk to her. I remember one day she was really sick from the chemo and i called her up all upset but hideing it and she knew i was so upset and as much pain as she was in and even though it took her 10 mins to say a sentence because she would be sick and coughing, she never wanted to get off the phone with me. I looked up to her in many way and i always needed her. I remeber one time i was in school and i called her and i talked with her and my teacher got so mad at me but i needed her and she was there for me. Any time any place any where i could always go to her seeking help, comphort, care and advise. Now that shes gone i feel like im all alone. I want to talk to her. I always blocked out other people because her advise made the most sence to me and all i wanted was her. Now i cant pick up the phone and talk with her, now i cant hear her voice and most of all im only 19 years old and i feel lost in this world, because i dont have her and my biggest troble is not being able to talk with her. if i could just talk with her all my troubles will go away. Now im just caitlin.

    #8403
    Regina
    Member

    Three years ago, I lost my friend Bruce. We had been friends since high school, through college and after. Bruce was the perfect gentleman. Always sweet, always respectful. But one night something happen that changed our friendship. He had invited me to a party at his friends house. His sister picked me up because Bruce was helping his friend with the party. (It was 1983, i.e. kegs of beer) Anyway, being that alcohol was involved, I made a decision to walk away from the party with his friend (No, I didn’t sleep with him. The guy was a pig) But Bruce, knowing his friend, never spoke to me again. I called Bruce a few times over the years, after his dad died, before HS reunions. And even in those short and few conversations it almost seemed like we could talk about anything. But we never got really close again on a regular basis. Bruce died from cancer 3 years ago. I was devastated, even though I was married with 3 children. Devastated because I really had lost Bruce 25 years earlier and I was too stupid to realize it. So it has been a very hard loss. And if I could have just 15 minutes to apologize to Bruce and tell him how very sorry I am that I did not make an effort to communicate or clarify any misunderstanding. And, in addition to all that past, after Bruce died and I realized what a great guy he was, I was finally able to go to counseling for abuse and leave my abusive husband that I met 2 weeks after the loss of my Bruce friendship. So I also want to thank Bruce, for in his death, he opened my eyes. He brought me new life and a new beginning. He actually saved my life, and I love him.

    #8404
    Kags2614
    Member

    I love Mitch Alboms books, he is a great writer and my favorite.. I’m 22 years old and a year ago my brother in law commited sucide and i found his body. He shot himself in the head.. Dealing with this has been tough, for me and my twin sister who was engaged to him. But after reading 5 people you meet in heaven, i hope that Jesse is one of those 5 people i could possiably reconnect with. All of Mitch’s books are wonderful and with every word he writes i will take away a lesson with it. *Kristin Guerina*

    #8405
    Pointe
    Participant

    Kristin, I am sorry for your loss and the utterly devastating way it happpened for you. My brother revealed that he was summoned to the home of a high school friend. Richard had hung himself, leaving his wife and two young children. My brother had kept this secret for many years since we believed a heart attack was the cause of death. I know that letting me know finally eased a burden for my brother and reaching out to family and friends frequently now has helped as well as getting involved with volunteering more with me.’five people’ and all of Mitch’s works are important to me – the idea and lesson in all is that connecting with the loves of our lives now makes all the difference later. May your wish for Jesse come to pass one day.
    All the best in the meantime.
    ~ Jean

    #8406
    Jlsearle
    Member

    I am so very sorry for all of your losses.
    If only I had the words to explain mine…

    #8407
    Fuzzcm
    Member

    Dear Mitch,It’s taken me 3 years and 248 days to work up the courage to write you this message. 3 years and 248 days ago, not that I’m counting, my husband died. He suffered a blood cancer, ran the risk of a bone marrow transplant, and, unfortunately, lost. We had 2 daughters together, then just 5 and 7. They are 3 years and 248 days older.I read Tuesdays with Morrie when it first came out. Like many, it tugged at my heart strings and raised my consciousness. I didn’t know it would later become a guidebook for my husband’s illness and eventual death.Chip and I met back in Detroit in ’90. He was born and raised in Maumee, OH and Detroit was the treat to the “big city” as he was growing up. I lived in Troy, safely insulated from the “big city,” secretly longing to be a part of the gospel scene down there. Chip ascended as a television editor in LA when he was barely in his 20s, and became a casualty of 80s excess in his 30s. He came back to Detroit to catch his breath and touch his roots. Then we met, the bottom fell out of Detroit and he headed back West just to make a dime. I followed and we laid down new roots in LA. Detroit always beckoned my husband – he never really left it even after living in LA for 30 years.When we started having babies, that’s when Chip pulled the brakes on the gerbil wheel. He created a home office so he could be there to walk his daughters to school and experience the general chaos of having small children. He loved it. The more noise, the better. Tuesdays both girls were at school, so Tuesdays became our day – we went to lunch, walked the beach, stopped for coffee. Someone once asked him why I didn’t use that time to clean the house and his response was “Tuesdays I have a date with my wife.”When he died, my eldest daughter was searching for words to put to her grief. I thought of your book. I offered to take dictation. She wrote a poem. UCLA uses it in their cancer support groups now. After my husband’s funeral my kids and I took a walk. I recall having a trace sense that everything was okay. It was Tuesday and we were at the beach.So, thanks for writing Morrie, Mitch. I guess the past 3 years and 248 days I needed to navigate the dark tunnels of grief. I think I see a light now. Today is Day 1 of new beginnings.

    #8408

    There are never enough words to explain the great loss we feel. The passing of someone who has touched our lives in so many ways is a hurt that I personally feel as well. To me even though we know they are no longer physically here and must accept it, our hearts for some reason cannot grasp that knowledge. Every day I ask why, why would God take away the “Morrie” he put in my life when I was 29, and he 68. Such a strange perfect friendship, two peas in a pod, the whole time I thought he was teaching me about life, his wife at the end said it was I who taught him…truth is …we taught each other. There are no words for any great loss of someone we love so much, there is just no way to grasp it. Maybe someday we will have the words, the answers to somehow help one another. Please know you are not alone in feeling this way.

    #8409

    Since I can remember from when young I have lost alot of my close relative from cancer. I never had a chance to say goodbye to them, tell them how I feel or that I love them. Now my aunt that is like another mother to me is dying of cancer and has about 6 months to live and I want to say goodbye to her but just dont know how to. But I know that if I dont I am going to feel that guilt in me like I still have from the rest of them. because i still have not gotten over not saying my final goodbyes to them. So all i have to say to anyone is that if someone is sick them say how you feel about them to them and that you love them and say your final goodbyes because if not you are going to feel a lightning bult of guilt for many many years.

    #8410
    Kinger912
    Member

    a few years ago, my grandfather was diagnosed with stomache cancer, and as time went on it got worse and worse, and the cancer started to go to his lungs, he was in the hospital for about a month or so, and my mom wouldnt let me see my grandfather AT ALL.. i wanted to see him because i know, unfortunately he wasnt gonna live for much longer.. but at the time my mom thought it was gonna be “better” for me..and when he did pass my mom asked me to be a pallbearer for his funeral, and that was extremely hard for me. And i was just mad at the world, and i started to i guess you could say getting over it, but not completely and after i read this book, it was all clear to me, yea its sad that he’s gone, but he wouldnt want me to be sad, he would want me to be happy, and he isnt suffering anymore…thats how tuesdays with morrie helped me

    #8411

    It’s taken me 3 years and 248 days to work up the courage to write you this message. 3 years and 248 days ago, not that I’m counting, my husband died. He suffered a blood cancer, ran the risk of a bone marrow transplant, and, unfortunately, lost. We had 2 daughters together, then just 5 and 7. They are 3 years and 248 days older.I read Tuesdays with Morrie when it first came out. Like many, it tugged at my heart strings and raised my consciousness. I didn’t know it would later become a guidebook for my husband’s illness and eventual death.Chip and I met back in Detroit in ’90. He was born and raised in Maumee, OH and Detroit was the treat to the “big city” as he was growing up. I lived in Troy, safely insulated from the “big city,” secretly longing to be a part of the gospel scene down there. Chip ascended as a television editor in LA when he was barely in his 20s, and became a casualty of 80s excess in his 30s. He came back to Detroit to catch his breath and touch his roots. Then we met, the bottom fell out of Detroit and he headed back West just to make a dime. I followed and we laid down new roots in LA. Detroit always beckoned my husband – he never really left it even after living in LA for 30 years.When we started having babies, that’s when Chip pulled the brakes on the gerbil wheel. He created a home office so he could be there to walk his daughters to school and experience the general chaos of having small children. He loved it. The more noise, the better. Tuesdays both girls were at school, so Tuesdays became our day – we went to lunch, walked the beach, stopped for coffee. Someone once asked him why I didn’t use that time to clean the house and his response was “Tuesdays I have a date with my wife.”When he died, my eldest daughter was searching for words to put to her grief. I thought of your book. I offered to take dictation. She wrote a poem. UCLA uses it in their cancer support groups now. After my husband’s funeral my kids and I took a walk. I recall having a trace sense that everything was okay. It was Tuesday and we were at the beach.So, thanks for writing Morrie, Mitch. I guess the past 3 years and 248 days I needed to navigate the dark tunnels of grief. I think I see a light now. Today is Day 1 of new beginnings.

    #8412

    DEAR MITCH, I HAVE READ ALL OF YOUR BOOKS AND LOVED THEM, BUT I JUST FINISHED READING “HAVE A LITTLE FAITH”, AND CRIED AS I READ YOUR EULOGY FOR YOUR BELOVED RABBI.. HOW TIMELY THIS WAS FOR ME. OCTOBER 2ND, I LOST MY MOTHER AT 101 YRS. OF AGE. SHE WAS SHARP UNTIL THE END AND NEEDED TO GO IN PEACE. HOWEVER,IT IS SO HARD FOR ME TO BELIEVE THAT SHE IS GONE AND THAT I CAN’T SEE OR TALK TO HER ANYMORE. I WROTE AND DELIVERED HER EULOGY, AND FROM TIME TO TIME, I STILL READ IT TO MYSELF TO SEEK COMFORT. YES, I KNOW SHE LIVED A LONG PRODUCTIVE LIFE, BUT SHE WAS MY MOTHER, AND EVEN THOUGH I WAS LUCKY TO HAVE HER FOR 67 YRS., IT STILL HURTS.
    I HOPE ALL OF US WHO HAVE SUFFERED THE LOSS OF PARENTS, DEAR FRIENDS, ETC., WILL ALWAYS KEEP THE FOND MEMORIES THEY SHARED WITH THESE BELOVED PEOPLE, CLOSE TO THEIR HEARTS AND GAIN GREAT COMFORT FROM DOING SO.
    KEEP WRITING TO SOOTH OUR SOULS.
    LYNN ARONSON

    #8413

    I recently lost my mother. She was very spiritual. Please check out my account of her passing at http://5kidswdisabilities.wordpress.com and read Angels Among Us.
    Thank you!

    #8414

    Here Recently here just starting the year of 2010 *this year*,(my senior year of graduating)my family have lost two loving nephews grandsons, and sons. one was four and the other was two.we lost them in a fire. T’was January 8th, 2010, it was 9:30 in the room. My mom woke up from a phone call from her recent exhusband, I answered the phone, and he asked where my mom was. I gave her the phone in her room, and shut the door. It was my sister, her husband and daughter, my mom and her now fiance, who was home. Everybody was awake, my mom worked a 10 p.m.to a 6:00 in the morning shift. Plus having the 24 hour flu. So she was quite tired and not feeling good. Well, after I gave her the phone and shut the door, I went back into the living room. Then I heard a scream, my sister’s husband opened my mom’s door, and asked “mom is everything okay?” What happened?” I went to the door and and seen my mom crying. (Something I hate seeing at all in my lifetime)My moms fiance told me to get my sister, which was in the kitchen doing dishes. She came to the room and my mom told us what happened. Recently the summer of 2009 my oldest brother and his wife and 3 kids moved back to nebraska, and back to her mom’s. We got a phone call at 9:30 in the morning of the 8th of just last month. My exstep dad told my mom that we lost two nephews, and grandsons. My oldest brother’s two sons. One was four and one was two. My brother about lost his life trying to save the rest of his family,(which were the boys) he was able to get the baby, and his wife, who will be a year next month. 70% of his body was burned trying to save his nephews, (my big brother) The oldest brother. For a while he was not a good percentage of surviving, but with all the faith and prayer and hope of strength, him, his wife, and daughter are doing better. My brother is still in recovery, recovering from the burns from trying to save his boys.
    Now lately, we do go up and see my brother. Seeing him doing better, from going at a percent of 20 of living, his percent has gone up to 80. But still has A LOT of healing left. My brother has touched my heart. Risking his life ro save his sons, my nephews. It’s something I don’t think I would’ve been able to do at all. Having so much pressure of trying to graduate this year. The year of 2010, and losing two loving, full of life nephews, it’s alot. For a while before I started reading Tuesdays with Morrie, I help the librarian here at school. Reorder books, put them on the shelf, I was picking out every single other book than this one, and everytime it would be like it was staring at me for some reason. I was ignoring it but I finally went to the book and checked it out. My heart lately has been so down and hurt and stressed. Reading this book not only makes me want to cry, but is also make me look at my life differently. Something I was never expecting. I think god pointed this book to me. Or maybe it was morrie. (not to freak anybody out.) I do know that I do have an angel watching over me right now. I can feel it. Everytime I close my eyes, I see peace, and gods faith, telling me it’s okay and to keep going and not to give up. That he’s here for me.
    I am starting a donation to help raise money for my brother and his family here at school. If you have any comments don’t be afraid to comment me or email me.
    But this book is touching my heart so much. I can’t even put it down either.
    Mitch,
    Your stories are inspiring me, my heart,and my life. I want to thank you.

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