Learning How to Say Goodbye

[BrendaD]

As Mitch learns in his time with Morrie, letting someone go is one of the hardest things to do. How have you learned to let go?

[Jlsearle]

I believe you are right, Manya, acceptance and love definitely have something to do with it.
Forgiveness too.
For me, it is forgiveness of myself.
Before my gran died of cancer, I never really appreicated her, I never told her I loved her, I just took and never gave back.
Now that she’s dead, the guilt I felt lived on for at least four years.
My life has reached a turning point this year, and I have discovered a lot of things; love, knowledge, people and good books that have taught me to accept and to forgive myself.
I have now said goodbye to my gran, and I know that she forgives me, even though I would love to hear her say it herself.

[Jatachyheart]

Dear Manya,
I am 42 years old. Though I dont have ALS, I have APLS (Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome)which causes me to have strokes on a consistent basis. I have Lupus, Rhuematoid Arthritis, Pacer, stents in futile attempts to protect what is left of my working organs ( not many as most have been removed) I have grand mal seizures, and several times have no use of parts of my body and cannot verbalize or move some of my limbs. I know how frustrated your brother feels believe me. Its because it really is dehumanizing to us, well I can only speak for myself here. I use to function on my own and each day I find pieces of me I have to leave behind, its almost like I lost my “sense of purpose” for being here at times, so that’s the frustration we feel. I don’t think there is ever is a way to learn to say goodbye. I had to teach my daughters when they were 5 and 8 that Mommy might “fall down” and not get up. What child can comprehend that ? Our biggest fears are for you our families, not for us. I think those of us with illness have honestly gotten really good at “dealing” with pain in front of others, but mostly for their sake, but i know myself, like Morrie , cry at night, when no one sees. Why make anyone else miserable is our thought. Leaving yourself behind a little piece at a time each and every day sometimes seems hardly worth fighting to move forward for, thus that frustration will shine thru regardless.
Honestly, as ready as I am at times to say goodbye, though we have no choice in these cases, our hearts are never ready.

[Author]

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