* Minnesota 14, Lions 6: Everyone keeps pointing to Jim McMahon’s wonderful won-loss percentage. Hey. Wait a sec. Bears? Eagles? Didn’t the defenses win the majority of those games?
* Green Bay 17, Chicago 9: Believe it or not, Jim Harbaugh is now getting booed in Chicago as much as Bill Laimbeer used to.
* Miami 21, Kansas City 20: Wait a minute. Joe Montana is actually playing? What’s the occasion? Are we in a ratings period?
* Indianapolis 20, New England 9: Better to have a dentist drill down your throat than to watch this game.
* Atlanta 28, Tampa Bay 10: Ditto for this turkey.
* NY Giants 26, NY Jets 14: The battle for New York. Winner gets robbed, stabbed and left in a pile outside Donald Trump’s apartment.
* Dallas 20, Philadelphia 13: The good news for Eagles fans: The defense spent
all week pretending the tackling dummy was Mitch Williams.
* New Orleans 24, Phoenix 17: The Saints started the season as All-World. They fell to All-Country. Now they’re fighting for All-State.
* LA Raiders 7, San Diego 0: Unless the weather is nice — in which case, they cancel this game and everyone hits the beach.
* San Francisco 20, LA Rams 10: New quarterback T.J. Rubley likes to eat two sandwiches at halftime. If I were the 49ers, I’d hit him in the stomach on the first play of the second half — then stand back.
* Denver 30, Seattle 19: The Broncos have a linebacker named Simon Fletcher. Shouldn’t he be in Her Majesty’s Secret Service?
* Buffalo 31, Washington 9 (Monday night): The injury-plagued Redskins were the only NFL team to request that the bye week be changed to a bye month.
* Best pick last week: San Francisco 28, Phoenix 19 (49ers won, 28-14).
* Worst pick last week: New Orleans 28, Atlanta 14 (Falcons won, 26-15).
* Record last week: 7-3.
* Record vs. spread: 3-7.
* Season record: 60-30.
* Season vs. spread: 38-51-1.
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