* PITTSBURGH 27, LIONS 13: The Lions are all packed for this trip: Bandages, wheelchairs, plasma . . .
* PHOENIX 28, ATLANTA 24: The Falcons’ defense has more holes than a bulletproof vest.
* CHICAGO 21, TAMPA BAY 14: Mike Ditka, trying to shake up his team this week, benched four of his starters. I have an idea, Mike: Why not really shake
’em up and take the weekend off?
* CLEVELAND 9, SAN DIEGO 6: Don’t look now, but the Browns have a winning record. What is this world coming to?
* DALLAS 30, LA RAMS 19: The Cowboys are still scoring points out at the Silverdome. Look — Michael Irvin, long bomb, touchdown!
* DENVER 17, NY GIANTS 16: There’s only one question you ask on a Broncos game: Are they home or are they on the road?
* INDIANAPOLIS 20, NEW ENGLAND 7: A game this good? I’m surprised it’s not on pay-per-view.
* WASHINGTON 15, KANSAS CITY 12: A month ago, this might have been a Super Bowl preview. Now, it’s just a showcase for field goals.
* LA RAIDERS 21, SEATTLE 6 1/2: The Seahawks have scored 56 points in nine games this season. I figure they’ll hit their average.
* MINNESOTA 28, HOUSTON 17: The Oilers are bickering so much these days, they’ve changed their offense to the Run, Shoot and Bitch.
* NY JETS 23, CINCINNATI 20: Boomer Esiason is having such a weird year, his hair is turning white. No. Wait. It already was white. Sorry.
* PHILADELPHIA 19, GREEN BAY 10: Eenie, meenie, minee, moe, Randall or Jim, nobody knows.
* SAN FRANCISCO 21, NEW ORLEANS 20: Here’s how far things have come in San Francisco: Joe Montana says he’s ready to start practicing again, and 49ers fans said, “Who?”
* MIAMI 27, BUFFALO 14 (MONDAY NIGHT): After rushing a record 37 times last week, Thurman Thomas sleeps through his wake-up call and misses the game.
* BEST PICK LAST WEEK: Phoenix 20, Rams 17 (Cardinals won, 20-14).
* WORST PICK: Tampa Bay 21, Minnesota 20 (Vikings won, 35-7).
* RECORD LAST WEEK: 11-3.
* VS. SPREAD LAST WEEK: 6-8.
* SEASON RECORD: 81-45.
* SEASON VS. SPREAD: 56-59-3.