The talk of the NFL this week is the supposed “bounty” put on the heads of two Dallas Cowboys by Buddy Ryan and the Philadelphia Eagles.
“I have no respect for a team like that,” said coach Jimmy Johnson, whose team lost to the Eagles, 27-0. So not only does he have no respect for them, he obviously has no defense for them, either.
Now, personally, I have no idea if this bounty thing is true. It seems to me, if you’re going to put a price on someone’s head, you wouldn’t pick two guys from a team that has won only one game all year. But what do I know? After all, the bounty was allegedly $500 for Troy Aikman (which, at his salary, represents the amount of time it takes him to burp) and $200 for placekicker Luis Zendejas. Poor Luis. Kickers always get gypped.
Anyhow, what do we make of all this? Well. Personally, since the whole point of most football plays is to knock the stuffing out of the other guy, I really don’t see what the fuss is about.
However, if it is true that NFL players will try to dismember a colleague for a mere $200, I would like to make an offer: I have termites in my basement, and I’m offering $50 to any NFL player who can get rid of them.
Don’t hurt them.
Unless, of course, it’s necessary.
And now, for this week’s picks.
* GREEN BAY 21, MINNESOTA 20: Let’s see. As long as we’re coming up with new bounties for NFL players . . .
* DENVER 21, SEATTLE 14: How about $500 to the first player who can get Brian Bosworth to do anything other than dip his cup into the Gatorade bucket.
* ATLANTA 12, NEW YORK JETS 10: And $600 to the first guy who knocks at least five gold chains off the neck of Deion Sanders.
* WASHINGTON 19, CHICAGO 17: And $1,000 to the first guy who intercepts Mike Tomczak five times and forces him to be benched. (Paid for by the University of Michigan Alumni Association.)
* HOUSTON 17, KANSAS CITY 14: Troubled Chiefs go with Steve DeBerg in place of Steve Pelluer. You know what I think? I think they ought to get a quarterback who isn’t named Steve.
* MIAMI 10, PITTSBURGH 9: The Dolphins have allowed more points than they’ve scored, but they’re tied for first in the AFC East. Go figure.
* INDIANAPOLIS 14, SAN DIEGO 10: Bet they can’t wait for college basketball season to start in Indiana.
* BUFFALO 26, CINCINNATI 24: James Brooks is getting so good, they may have to start calling him Ickey.
* LA RAMS 23, NEW ORLEANS 13: Has anyone seen Ickey recently?
* TAMPA BAY 16, PHOENIX 7: New coach in Phoenix. Give you ten bucks if you know his name.
* LA RAIDERS 20, NEW ENGLAND 13: One potato, two potato . . . Yep, it’s the Patriots’ turn to lose this weekend.
* SAN FRANCISCO 21, NEW YORK GIANTS 19 (Monday night): Beautiful. The Battle of New York and California is decided by a Montana.
* RECORD LAST WEEK: 9-5.
* RECORD VS. SPREAD: 7-7.
* SEASON RECORD: 103-53 (includes Thursday’s games).
* SEASON RECORD VS. SPREAD: 73-78-5 (includes Thursday’s games).
* BEST PICK LAST WEEK: Philadelphia 23, Minnesota 20. Eagles won, 10-9.
* WORST PICK LAST WEEK: Buffalo 28, New England 14. Pats won, 33-24.