It’s a good thing the strike is over so we can get back to the really important things in football, like finding lost sisters.
Yes. That is what I said. Lost sisters. In a week full of the strange and weird, this incident may have been the strangest and weirdest of all:
Reggie Rogers, the Lions’ No. 1 draft pick, gave his sister, Jackie, the keys to the Bronco last Saturday. And she did not come back: not on Saturday, or Sunday, or Monday, or Tuesday.
On Wednesday, Rogers skipped practice to search for her.
Now, I don’t know about you, but this wouldn’t make me trust old Reggie a whole lot with anything real important, like, say, a small nuclear device.
“Reggie, where is that small nuclear device?”
“I dunno.”
“You don’t know?”
“I had it last week. But I haven’t seen it. I’m gonna take off tomorrow and look for i-.
BOOM!
Now, we should mention here that Jackie was only visiting from California, where people have been known to disappear on a moment’s notice, particularly when a new movie opens.
So maybe that was it. Or maybe she didn’t know the streets around Detroit. Or maybe the Bronco wouldn’t start. (Question: How did Reggie go looking for her without the car? Did he simply walk up and down the streets, calling her name?)
Whatever. It all ended happily. On Thursday, Jackie showed up at Lions practice. She was OK. She said she had some “personal problems,” which is understandable, because we all have those, although some of us just sit on the couch with potato chips and weep.
But here is the point. I am sure Jackie is sorry for the trouble she caused, making her brother miss a whole day of work. Perhaps there is a way she can make it up to him.
Today the Lions are playing the Denver Broncos, right? The Broncos are an excellent team, right? They went to the Super Bowl last season, right? Logic says they should slaughter the Lions, who are a mere 1-5.
Here is the plan.
We send Jackie to Denver. She takes the Bronco. She takes all the Broncos. Out for a ride. And poof, they’re gone.
Nobody shows for the game.
The Lions win.
And now this week’s picks. . . .
BRONCOS 38, LIONS 10: Forget it. It’ll never work.
CINCINNATI 30, HOUSTON 28: Lower the Boomer.
GREEN BAY 19, TAMPA BAY 18: Oh, boy! The battle of the Bays! I wait every year for this game so I can say something clever like . . . like . . . well .
. . sorry, I have nothing clever to say.
SEATTLE 27, MINNESOTA 20: When it’s dome against dome, there’s no place like home.
CHICAGO 27, KANSAS CITY 10: There’s a poster out of Jim McMahon dressed like MacArthur, over a caption that reads, “I SHALL RETURN.” And the poster has already sold 100,000 copies. You don’t suppose the whole injury was dreamed up by the poster company? . . .
NY JETS 27, INDIANAPOLIS 24: Unless Eric Dickerson suits up awfully quick.
WASHINGTON 35, BUFFALO 21: Jim Kelly disappears in the second half to search for his missing sister.
NEW ENGLAND 20, LA RAIDERS 19: Marcus Allen disappears in the second half to search for his missing sister.
MIAMI 35, PITTSBURGH 30: Steelers owner Art Rooney disappears in the second half to look for Jim Kelly and Marcus Allen, and signs them to long-term contracts.
CLEVELAND 34, SAN DIEGO 28: I have always wondered this: Would anybody recognize Dan Fouts if he shaved his beard?
NEW ORLEANS 16, ATLANTA 13: Who cares?
SAN FRANCISCO 27, LA RAMS 20: They turn to hand it off to Dickerson and .
. . oops, he has been traded. Fumble. 49ers recover.
PHILADELPHIA 22, ST. LOUIS 17: Two in a row for Buddy (Take That Tom and Shove It) Ryan.
(MONDAY NIGHT) NY GIANTS 28, DALLAS 24: There is a wall in the Giants’ locker room on which it says, “Wins Needed To Make The Playoffs.” Only nine to go.
RECORD LAST WEEK: 9-5.
RECORD THIS SEASON: 29-26-1.
BEST PICK LAST WEEK: San Francisco 20, New Orleans 19. San Francisco won, 24-22.
WORST PICK LAST WEEK: Dallas 21, Philadelphia 6. Philadelphia won, 37-20.
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