I am very impressed that Bo knows everything. Only he doesn’t, of course. Nobody does. His agents and business managers, who must be laughing all the way to the bank, would like you to believe that Bo Jackson is a Renaissance Man, all things to all people, all people to all things.
But he is not.
And now that Bo is coming to our town, I will prove it. For example, here are a few things in Detroit alone that Bo does not know:
What Vernor’s is.
How to find Antons at the Renaissance Center.
How to find the Renaissance Center.
Who Bill Bonds is.
The difference between Sanders fudge and all the rest.
The significance of an octopus at Joe Louis Arena.
No. 9.
How to get to Windsor.
Go Blue. Go Green.
Now. That’s nine things. I figure you multiply that by about 35,678 cities in America, and you get 321,102 things that Bo does not know.
Hey, Nike. I want my money back.
And now, the picks . . . * LA Raiders 24, Lions 20: Although I’d still rather have Barry Sanders than Jackson or Marcus Allen.
* NY Giants 23, Minnesota 20: Phil Simms and Ronnie Lott spent all week calling each other and saying, “Are you talking to me? Are you talking to me?
. . . ”
* Houston 33, Cleveland 14: Bernie Kosar wakes up each day, draws a big red X through the date on the calendar, and goes to work.
* Buffalo 21, Indianapolis 17: The Bills get to play indoors for once. After the game, they refuse to go home.
* Pittsburgh 20, New England 9: If the Pats keep this up, they’ll get the No. 1 pick in the draft next year — which is the best argument I can think of for Rocket Ismail to stay in school.
* Phoenix 21, Atlanta 20: Has anybody noticed that, for all the noise coming from Jerry Glanville, the Falcons are still a lousy team?
* Cincinnati 20, San Francisco 17: After all the hype over last Monday night, this game has to feel like a matinee for the 49ers.
* Green Bay 28, Seattle 20: Why? I have no idea.
* Washington 20, Chicago 17: Jim Harbaugh will find it a little tougher to win this week.
* Kansas City 31, Denver 21: John Elway wakes up each day, draws a big red X through the calendar date, and goes to work.
* Philadelphia 30, Miami 23: The Dolphins are great — as long as they play losing teams.
* LA Rams 28, New Orleans 21: Don’t look now, but the Rams are talking about making the playoffs.
* Record last week: 7-7.
* Record last week vs. spread: 5-9.
* Season record: 108-62.
* Season record vs. spread: 88-79-3.
* Best pick last week: LA Raiders 23, Denver 19 (Raiders won, 23-20).
* Worst pick last week: Miami 23, Washington 20 (Redskins won, 42-20).
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