Bench Buddies Pistons’ Hastings, Greenwood Play At Not Playing
“Everything we do is insane. It keeps us sane.”
— Scott Hastings, philosopher
So where’s the popcorn?”
“Huh?”
“The popcorn. Don’t you know the rules?”
“Yeah. Any fan sitting in that seat has to buy us popcorn. And beer.”
“But . . . the game is going on!”
“We know that.”
“Wait a minute. . . . You guys eat during a game?”
“Of course.”
“When else?”
“Are you serious?”
“We’re serious.”
“And we’re hungry. Get going.”
IT’S IRS DOOMSDAY, TIME FOR A SANDWICH
First of all, put down that sandwich. You cannot fill out your tax return one-handed, with tomato and mayonnaise dripping all over the 1040 form, because, come on, you did that last year. And the IRS keeps track of these things. Right now there is some IRS man in...
Opener Has Flurries Of Snow, Runscold Hands, Cold Toes, But Team Warm At Home
So that was the first game of the season, right? We won’t count those other three, right? How can you count baseball games when you can’t even put your shampoo and after-shave in their regular spots, or stack your shoes in a messy pile and hang a picture of your kids near the pants hook?
COLD HANDS, COLD TOES, BUT TEAM WARM AT HOME
So that was the first game of the season, right? We won’t count those other three. Hey, how can you count baseball games when you can’t even put your shampoo and aftershave in their regular spots, or stack your shoes in a messy pile and hang a picture of...
TIGERS’ BIGGEST NEED: JUST A LITTLE RESPECT
BOSTON — Wait’ll next year.No. Just kidding. It wasn’t that bad, this 1990 Tigers opener. In fact, based on what I saw, I am ready to make the following predictions:Cecil Fielder will catch everything except the ones that fall in his glove.Lloyd...
The Tigers In Transitionernie: A Voice Of Stabilityin Baseball’S Sea Of Change
LAKELAND, Fla. — Year after year, winter after winter, the voice stirs from under the snow. It heats up, it melts free, it crosses your lawn and taps the frost from your window. “Time to wake up,” it seems to say. “It’s spring. I’m back.”
Staying Clean Leaves Probert Looking Good
Bob Probert was in a hot dog joint the other day when a stranger spotted him and the stranger was drunk and all of a sudden, he’s Probert’s best friend. He throws his arm around him, he’s slobbering, “Hey, Probie!” like they’re old pals.
“He wanted me to go muskie fishing with him,” Probert says. “He kept bothering me, saying let’s go, let’s go, we’ll have a great time. And at the end he says, ‘Hey, Probie, we’ll get a cooler and I’ll buy the beer.’
One Dollar A Week Too High For Justice?
It was a New Year’s Eve party. She was a high school senior. She left in her car. Three minutes later, she was dead.
A drunk driver killed her, just a mile from her home. She never saw him coming. He was not even injured. When he crawled out through his window and saw the wreckage, according to a witness, he said, “Boy, am I in trouble now.”
The girl’s parents were called. They came quickly. On the way over, they prayed it was a mistake. When they saw her blue Volkswagen, crushed like paper, they stopped praying.
Brent Just Another Brick In The Wall
THE LIVE ALBOM:
* Every now and then I have to wonder about our business. On Monday morning, the front-page story of both Detroit newspapers was Brent Musburger getting fired. And of course, for USA Today, this was MAJOR NEWS. Meanwhile, TV reacted with typical perspective. One broadcaster said: “Who’d have thought in one year the Berlin Wall would come down and Brent Musburger would leave CBS?”
* Yeah. I can just see those East Germans pouring over the border. “Next, comrades, we free Brent!”
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