FALL CLASSIC MAKES PICKIN’ FAR FROM EASY

There are hot dogs and caps and pennants all around me. On the bed is a notebook full of box scores. Over here are the batting averages, and here are the lefty-right tendencies, and Sparky Anderson’s predictions, I left them around here somewhere. . . .

“Ahem,” says a distant voice.

Ahem?

“Football,” it says.

Football? Yeah, sure. That’s a good one. It’s World Series time. Where did I put those pitching charts? Dwight Gooden’s book. Keith Hernandez’s book. Darryl Strawberry’s book. Does he have a book? Every Met has a book, doesn’t he? I think —

“Ahem,” says the distant voice.

Ahem?

“Football.”

Surely it jests. How can there be football? This is baseball season, World Series season, full counts and home runs and low sliders that dip at the plate. This is beer and pizza and mustard and sauerkraut. Who is on “Good Morning America” these days? Roger Clemens and Jim Rice. That is who.

“Ahem,” says the voice.

WHAT?

“Football,” it says.

Look. This is a baseball diamond. This is a bat. This is a ball. This is a calendar. The calendar says October. Do you see that. Octo–

October?

“Ahem,” says the voice.

Ahem . . . the, uh, picks . . .

RAMS 26, LIONS 9: It is very easy to stop LA. Just stop Eric Dickerson. It is very easy. If you can do it. Which the Lions can’t.

RAIDERS 20, DOLPHINS 16: Why not let these two teams’ reputations play each other instead of their current personnel? It’ll be a lot better game.

BILLS 17, COLTS 3: If six people watch this game, TV will consider it a ratings success.

RED SOX 4, METS 3: Just testing . . .

BROWNS 26, PACKERS 7: Poor Green Bay. Poor, poor Green Bay. Oh, the poor, poor, Green Bay Pack — Ah, the hell with them. They won enough in the ’60s.

REDSKINS 40, CARDINALS 6: Roll over and die, St. Louis.

VIKINGS 20, BEARS 12: Doug Flutie? The Bears picked up the rights to Doug Flutie? For what? To carry Ditka’s brain? No. Sorry. This time Chicago has lost touch with reality. Something has snapped. Oh my. Doug Flutie?

SEAHAWKS 16, GIANTS 14: Seattle will surrender half its gate receipts if the NFL lets it play all its games in the Kingdome.

SAINTS 25, BUCS 10: If seven people watch this game . . .

49ERS 30, FALCONS 14: Bill Walsh is smarter than anyone in Georgia.

CHARGERS 29, CHIEFS 10: My friend and colleague, Thomas George, told me to pick the Chiefs last week. I did. They lost. No one has heard from Thomas since. Hmmmm.

RED SOX 4, METS 3: You’re still awake. Good.

PATRIOTS 32, STEELERS 14: Half the New England team stays home to watch the World Series. That’s OK. Half a team is enough to beat Pittsburgh.

COWBOYS 27, EAGLES 26: I have finally figured out how to determine what Philadelphia will do from week to week. Hold up your hand, stick out two fingers, and repeat after me. “Eeeny, meeny, miny . . . “

BENGALS 24, OILERS 12: I’ve always wondered this. I really have. When Boomer Esiason presses your doorbell, should you say, “Oh. Boomer rang”?

JETS 29, BRONCOS 24 (Monday night): Gotta go with the Mets, uh, the Jets, I mean . . . wait. The New York . . . hold it, who’s playing again? . . .

BEST PICK LAST WEEK: Bengals 28, Steelers 21. Bengals won, 24-22.

WORST PICK LAST WEEK: Redskins 31, Cowboys 9. Cowboys won, 30-6.

RECORD LAST WEEK: 8-6.

RECORD THIS SEASON: 60-24.

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