THE LIVE ALBOM . . .
* The Cleveland Indians are in first place. The San Francisco Giants are in first place. Billy Martin wants to manage again. My head hurts.
* Only a very sick person would sneak up behind Jack Morris these days and scream: “IT’S A LONG FLY BALL, DEEP TO LEFT. . . ”
* Come on. Admit it. You miss Kirk Gibson.
TREE ROLLINS FORGETS HIS DEODORANT! * BOOK MARK: Well, with summer just around the corner, it’s time to prepare your vacation reading list. There are new books by Howard Cosell, Peter Ueberroth, and Ron Luciano. But they stink.
* May I suggest a few lesser known titles:
“Get Me United Airlines . . . ” The unauthorized biography of Billy Martin.
“That’s No Moustache, That’s My Upper Lip” — Larry Bird’s guide to looking sharp in shorts.
“Rock Me, I’m-A-Danish” — Twelve original poems by William (The Refrigerator) Perry.
* NAAAY: Did you notice only two of the 16 Kentucky Derby horses were not on drugs? Those two were, however, caught rolling in the hay.
* Doug English. Kirk Gibson. The Pistons. Hey. Detroit has lost enough for one spring. Let’s let some other city have a turn.
* I vote New York. ODE TO SPUD WEBB Nice try, little guy
* Dave Collins and Darnell Coles were question marks in March. Now they’re exclamation points.
* Nelson Simmons was a question mark too. Now he’s a period. As in gone, period.
* DINO-MITE!: Many felt the Lions had the best draft of all 28 NFL teams last week. But watch those Chicago Bears. On the final round, they picked a sleeper: Terry (Dac) Tall, a little-known defensive lineman who stands 14 feet and weighs a ton. Scouts are calling him a franchise player. Reached by phone, Tall said he grew up in “the pits.” Here you see a picture of the rookie, who is rumored to share the same sense of humor as Mike Ditka.
* PACKED PUNCH: The latest SPORT magazine lists the Three-H Boxing club — Holmes, Hagler, Hearns — as 1-2-3 money earners in 1985 sports. And you wonder why boxers keep coming back.
* Actually, whenever I hear an ex-boxer returning — like Sugar Ray Leonard saying he wants Marvelous Marvin Hagler — I always think of Muhammad Ali. Before one of his comebacks, someone asked him, “Why are you doing it?” And he said: “I’m a fighter. A fighter fights.”
* Why don’t we just give Mike Tyson the heavyweight belt and forget the whole thing?
* SPORT also asked 26 baseball GMs to name the best manager. Whitey Herzog won. Sparky Anderson got no votes. How quickly they forget.
* LETTERS, LETTERS: My thanks to the reader who sent back my Interview With Snow Chief column and wrote: “A jackass talks to a horse.” I’ve never been called a horse before.
* Isn’t it strange how all this trouble with Moammar Khadafy began only after the Redskins cut John Riggins? Wait a sec. What the . . . ? Big John? . . . Or Big Mo?