A SOLUTION: REPORTERS, TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES

Last Monday, Cincinnati Bengals coach Sam Wyche decided he didn’t want to let a female reporter into his team’s locker room. For this, commissioner Paul Tagliabue fined him nearly $30,000 and rejected Sam’s plan to chase out the women — and the men — after 20 minutes.

I have heard a million ideas on this male/female locker room thing. About the only one that made me laugh was the one suggested by Shawn Burr of the Red Wings. Shawn said: “I think the fairest thing is if everyone took their clothes off.”

Wonder what Sam would think of that one?

And now, this week’s picks. . . .
* MINNESOTA 20, LIONS 17: I would like to pick the Lions, because I think they could upset the Vikings, who are pretty awful, but seeing as Detroit’s roster of healthy people is down to six men and the laundry guy, I better go with Minnesota.
* DALLAS 24, TAMPA BAY 21: Vinny Testaverde. Jimmy Johnson. Alonzo Highsmith. Is it my imagination, or is one out of every three people in the NFL from Miami?
* CHICAGO 20, GREEN BAY 10: Jim Harbaugh on one side. Tony Mandarich on the other. Hmm. This seems familiar. . . .
* MIAMI 34, NY JETS 12: Bruce Coslet has an answer for this locker room problem; he conducted his press conference a few weeks ago from the phone above the work room. Hello, operator? Is the coach dressed yet?
* LA RAMS 26, CINCINNATI 20: Win or lose, it’s costing Wyche a lot of money.
* PITTSBURGH 10, SAN DIEGO 9: Who cares?
* ATLANTA 23, NEW ORLEANS 17: The Saints go marching into Atlanta . . . and Jerry Glanville tells them to get lost.
* SAN FRANCISCO 23, HOUSTON 20: The 49ers win, but only after they hand in their compositions: “What I did on my weekend off.”
* KANSAS CITY 31, INDIANAPOLIS 14: This is how I know we have been playing football too long: Steve DeBerg is the AFC’s top- rated passer.
* SEATTLE 19, NEW ENGLAND 17: Patriots fumble when five of their players stop in mid-play and pull their pants down. They blame it on the media.
* LA RAIDERS 23, BUFFALO 14: Isn’t it about time for Bo Jackson to be pulling on his helmet?
* DENVER 24, CLEVELAND 20: Afterward, Bernie Kosar and John Elway go out for a beer and say, “Remember the old days — when we were good?”
* Last week’s record: 6-6.
* Against the spread: 6-6.
* Season record: 37-17.
* Season vs. spread: 25-28-1.
* Best pick last week: NY Giants 24, Dallas 13 (Giants won, 31-17).
* Worst pick last week: Phoenix 20, Washington 13 (Redskins won, 38-10).

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