LIONS HIT GIANTS WITH NEW ATT-I-TUDE
EASTRUTHERFORD, N.J. — The mistake people make about football is thinking one team wants to win the game more than the other. Wrong. Both teams want to win it. One team is willing to take it.That’s the thing Lions fans should be happiest about in...
Who’s President? There’s No Debate
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to our final presidential debate. And we mean it this time. Let’s begin with the obvious question: Gentlemen, which of you is our president?
BUSH: I am!
GORE: I am!
Which of you had more votes?
BUSH: I did! Electoral votes!
GORE: I did! Popular votes!
What about recounts?
BUSH: We’re done counting!
GORE: We’ve only just begun.
Absentee ballots?
BUSH: They’re mine! The military loves me!
GORE: They’re mine! Jewish voters living in Israel love me!
Ross Calls It Quits; Lions Pick Moellera Bizarre Turn Of Events, Even For A Cursed Franchise
BOBBY Ross walked into the locker room and asked the players to listen up. They didn’t know it, but he already had resigned, already had told management he couldn’t do the job anymore, that his body, spirit and tolerance were spent.
Yet as the players looked up, Ross first took care of housekeeping. He reminded them of a banquet they had to attend Monday evening. He reminded them to lift weights, start thinking about the next game, Sunday against Atlanta.
Only then, with the small details attended to, did he clear his throat.
And told them he was quitting.
SOMETHING SMELLS — AND IT’S NOT THE FISH
MY CAR ran out of gas on the way to Sunday’s game, so in the middle of Telegraph Road, I had to dash across the street, buy a gallon, dash back, and pour it in my tank. Naturally, the gas got all over me. When I arrived at the Silverdome, I was a disaster...
HOW TIMES CHANGE; JUST CHECK DAISIES
The TV commercial featured a little girl, standing in a field, picking a daisy. She began to count the petals, “1 …2 …3 . . .”Then, as little girls sometimes do, she got confused by the numbers. As she mixed them up, a new voice rose in the...
Pistons Aren’T Exactly Stacked With Options
SINCE, LIKE a lot of people, I went to the Pistons’ home opener Friday night, and since, like a lot of people, I don’t know when I’ll be back, I thought I’d get all my observations in this morning.
First quarter
* Nice crowd. Loudest cheer is for Mateen Cleaves.
* Then again, he doesn’t start, does he?
* Chris Webber, who’ll be a free agent at the end of this season, is Sacramento’s biggest star. There are signs reading, “Webb! Come home! We need you!”
* I’m not sure that’s a confidence booster.
* Go! Pistons ball….
SNOW? WHAT SNOW? LET US WORK ON THAT
HELLO, HELLO! Step this way! Nice to have you all here! And may I say on behalf of Detroit, thank you for awarding us the 2006 Super Bowl! We’re going to throw a party you NFL folks won’t belie–How’s that?What’s what?Oh …that white...
World Blearies: Baseball’s Blunder
Forgive me a moment while I turn into my grandfather.
In the old days, I loved baseball. My heart pounded the first time I saw a major league game. I diligently took pencil to scorecard and filled in every play, every ground out and fly ball. In those days, I knew all the players on my team — and it wasn’t hard, since they were pretty much the same players from last year.
FOR HALLOWEEN: BUY, DON’T MAKE
With Halloween just around the corner, many of you are facing a difficult decision: Do I buy a costume for my child, or do I make one?The answer is so simple let me whisper it in your ear:ARE YOU NUTS?You BUY no matter how much it costs! You BUY if it’s your...Stay Connected
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