THESE WELFARE CUTS WON’T BREAK CYCLE
This morning, I will write about welfare. Which means most of the people affected by today’s column will not be reading it.Sounds stupid, doesn’t it? Like shoveling your driveway when you don’t have a car?But it’s true. Most welfare recipients...
The Live Albom
* I’ll say this about Kato Kaelin. He’s sure the guy I’d want watching my house.
* I mean, has the witness stand become America’s answer to Open Mike Night? Consider the O.J. cast: a cop who’s an alcoholic, a sister who’s an alcoholic, an ex-Marine who says he did — no, wait, he didn’t — talk to F. Lee Bailey, Rosa Lopez, who can’t decide if she’s walking the dog or flying to Central America, Faye Resnick, who’s either a dear friend or a junkie, and, of course, the Kato-Man, who’s a few strokes short of par himself.
Don’T Blame The Bearer For Lewis’ Bad News
If someone created all the bad news in the world, then he would be responsible for it.
But if the bad news were already there, and that someone just told you about it, would he be the problem — or a depressing reminder?
That’s the stand-off we have this morning, the day Reggie Lewis’s number will be raised to the rafters of Boston Garden.
A cloud of doubt will ride up that rope, alongside the green and white banner. And in a country never satisfied until we blame somebody, the fingers are pointing — but in the wrong direction.
TYSON, HERE’S A FOE YOU MUSTN’T OVERLOOK
Yo, Mike Tyson. Hold up. Don’t sign anything. I got your first fight right here.What do you mean “where?” I just said where. Right here.Me.Put ’em up, partner.Stop looking at me like that.I will be your first opponent. We will pull on the...
Airborne Jordan Scores After Rocky Takeoff
INDIANAPOLIS — It wasn’t the way he chewed gum as he jogged out of the tunnel, nor the ease with which he carried the ball in his first lay-up drill, one-handed, effortless, as if putting a glass on a shelf. No. What convinced you the guy was back for real were those familiar beads of sweat glistening on his smoothly shaved head, exerting himself again, in basketball, after nearly two years away. His number was already retired and a statue erected in his honor. Now he stripped off his warm-ups to the familiar red-and-black uniform. The crowd exploded.
RADIO IS ALL ALIKE NOW, ALL THE TIME
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Well, it’s official. America is down to six radio stations. Six. Total. I say this because, having spent the last few days traveling though Detroit, Dayton, Atlanta, Charlotte, Orlando and Tallahassee, I have heard them all, the same...
It Wasn’T Supposed To End This Way
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — There were tears all over the locker room floor, mixing with the dirt and the soiled, wet towels. Jud Heathcote had cried, and Shawn Respert had cried. Eric Snow sat motionless in a chair as reporters moved through and camera lights blinded the already stunned Spartans players. Someone leaned down, patted Snow on the shoulder, mumbled “Sorry,” and that was it, the floodgates opened, he began to sob, unable to catch his breath. He was every kid after every big game that didn’t go right. This is what they don’t show you on ESPN SportsCenter.
No Cheering In Press Box, Especially By Me
DAYTON, Ohio — The hamburgers are on the grill, and the margaritas are flowing like small green waterfalls.
“GO JAYHAWKS!” someone slurps.
“GO HILLTOPPERS!” screams another.
“Pardon me,” I mumble. “‘Scuse me. . . . Pardon me. . . . “
I make my way through the tailgating parties like a police officer assigned to Beach Blanket Bingo. A van full of students is booming rock music and singing along. Suddenly, in the middle of the song, someone stops and yells
“HOW ABOUT THEM HOGS?”
“WHOOOEEE!” they answer. “HOGS, HOGS, HOGS, HOG–“
ALL TOO FAMILIAR ENDING FOR THENEAR-MISS KIDS
DAYTON, Ohio — The heads were shaved and the color of the socks matched the color of the shoes, a serious shade of black. Nostalgia? Of course. But for longtime fans of the Michigan era once known as Fabulous, the best news was this: When the game started, the...Stay Connected
The only newsletter dedicated to updates, exclusive content, and giveaways of Mitch's books!