THE BIG APPLE GLOWS BLOOD RED
NEW YORK — I went to see Brian Watkins’ deathbed. His mattress was concrete. His sheets were silver gum wrappers. All that remained was a splotch of blood on the bottom step near the token booth, where he collapsed Sunday night chasing the strangers who...
DON’T BET ON THESE SURE THINGS
It’s that time of year again. Time for me to study and analyze and make intelligent NFL selections, and for you to laugh your head off.Once again, I caution all of you not to put any real money on any of these selections. This will keep you from writing me those...
Thinking Too Much Dooms Krickstein
NEW YORK — He has had these days before, days where he comes out and plays like the Boy King. And the perfect thing, when this happens, would be if Aaron Krickstein’s brain just blew a fuse and he was left with only his body and his racket. Then he could continue doing whatever he is doing, doing his best stuff, which, in the second set of the quarterfinals of the U.S. Open on Thursday was simply this: beating the shorts off defending champion Boris Becker.
THERE’S NO QUESTION ABOUT IT,OUR GUY HAS ALL THE ANSWERS
SHRIEEEEEK!All right, you coaches, listen up! This here’s our annual coaching convention, and I’m here to coach you on coaching. You got that, coaches?”Yeah. . . .” “Uh-huh. . . .” “Guess so.””GOOD GOD, COACHES!...
MCENROE’S SINS FADING ON RETURN TRIP TO GLORY
NEW YORK — Now everyone is behind him, even the people who used to think he was a little snot. That’s what happens when you get older and you get married and you lose your hair and then some young stud comes and knocks you off your throne. If you’re...
‘Get’ This, Cbs: You Didn’T Win A Thing
Sometimes I wonder whether television is covering the same world as the rest of us.
In the world we live in, Saddam Hussein is, at best, a political tyrant. At worst, he’s a raving lunatic. Nowhere — at least nowhere that I know of
— is he considered a prize.
Except in the land of TV.
SCHOOL’S OUT, ANDRE; IT’S TIME TO GET REAL
CINCINNATI — He began his NFL career by fumbling the snap, then picking up the ball and throwing it anyhow. The whistles blew. Some fans laughed. This is not how you want to start a multimillion dollar job. Then again, the last time Andre Ware played a game of...
WARE BOUND TO BURN HOLE IN LIONS’ POCKET
Let’s start by saying this about Rodney Peete: He is the biggest bargain in the NFL. You don’t get starting quarterbacks for $125,000 a year. You’re lucky to get the laundry done for that. But Peete works for these wages and he hasn’t...
Let’S Try Only News That’S Fit To Print
After awhile, even journalists get tired of bad news. It seems as if every time you pick up a paper, the stories are shocking, depressing or disgusting. And that’s just the sports pages.
Wouldn’t it be nice if, just once, you could control the news flow? Then we might see stories such as these:
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