THE LIVE ALBOM: * New bet in Vegas. Which comes first: Wayne Gretzky’s 802nd goal or Michael Jordan’s first hit?

* My money’s on Gretzky.

* Speaking of hockey, it’s nice that the Wings got Bob Essensa, an old MSU guy, out of Winnipeg. Too bad they couldn’t also get Teemu Selanne, who just finished filming “Home Alone III.”

* Hey. Where does Sports Illustrated come off calling Jordan a disgrace to baseball? I’m not nuts about the guy, but he does have the right to play.
* You want a “disgrace to baseball,” start with the salaries, then players who charge for autographs.
* Funny. Sports Illustrated didn’t mind putting this Jordan “story” on its cover to see more sales.

* DISAPPOINTED ACTORS WHO DID NOT GET ROLE IN “NANCY KERRIGAN STORY”

* And skating fans, please don’t say we can’t poke fun at Nancy. The woman is hosting “Saturday Night Live,” for pete’s sake! What do you think they have in mind? A documentary?
* By the way, if Tonya Harding had as much luck with skating as she does with U.S. judges, she’d have a gold medal by now.
* Is it me, or does Wayne Fontes use the phrase “My Guy” more than anyone since Mary Wells?
* You think Scott Mitchell’s sending any of that money to whoever injured Dan Marino?
* Speaking of skating, weep not for Torvill and Dean. He’s marrying Jill Trenary, and she’s going back to her acting career, playing Edith Bunker.

* Fans are debating the exact moment Michigan blew the Big Ten title to Purdue. I’ll tell you when: Four days earlier, when it lost to Wisconsin.
* U-M wins that game, Purdue doesn’t matter.
* By the way, congratulations to U-M’s Jason (Shoot Fast, Before They Take Me Out) Bossard, who went ignored for four seasons at Michigan, then chucked in 14 points in his home finale Wednesday. They call that ending on a high note.
* How about this? A whole week passes and no one calls for Jud Heathcote or George Perles to quit!
* Must be the nice weather.
* t.o.baby . . . t.o.baby . . . T.O.Baby! . . . T.O.BABY!
* It’s March. I hear Dick Vitale.
* People keep asking if I miss Norway. No, but I am brushing with salmon toothpaste.
* Vinnie Johnson is doing fine as Pistons announcer. But summer’s coming, and he’s due on the tennis court as alter ego MaliVai Washington.

Mitch Albom will sign copies of “Fab Five” and Live Albom III” at 5:30 p.m. today at Barnes & Noble in Rochester, noon Saturday at Dean Book Center in Port Huron and 6 p.m. Monday at Webster’s Books in Ann Arbor.

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