Detroit Free Press

CHELI AND FISH — TEACHER AND PUPIL

CHELI AND FISH — TEACHER AND PUPIL

These days, and at his age, I'm not sure what Chris Chelios' best move is. But I can tell you this: shrugging is at the top the list.Ask about the pressure. He shrugs it off. Ask about his skills. He shrugs it off. Ask about his notable performance in the playoffs so far, or his keeping up with guys half his age, or his pounding and finally outlasting a Vancouver goliath named Todd Bertuzzi.Shrugs it off.
SHAQ-DIKEMBE FEUD HAS MAKINGS OF A HIT

SHAQ-DIKEMBE FEUD HAS MAKINGS OF A HIT

It is not for me, as a man who only comes up to Shaquille O'Neal's belly button, to judge the words coming out of his mouth. I can barely hear the words coming out of his mouth.Same goes for 7-foot-2 Dikembe Mutombo. With him, I can hear what he's saying, I just can't understand it. I know the man speaks five languages. My question is: Is English one of them?But hey, who am I to get in the middle of a big man battle in the NBA Finals? Two giants bumping, shoving and pounding on each other -- and that's just during the press conferences.
PISTONS RESCUE RASHEED

PISTONS RESCUE RASHEED

INDIANAPOLIS -- Hey, all he said was they would win. He didn't say he was going make it happen. Just because Rasheed Wallace missed his first shot, his second, third and fourth shots, his fifth and sixth shots, made his seventh, then missed his eighth and ninth, then threw up an air ball with his 10th, hey, that doesn't mean he was wrong, does it?
GRADUATES, I HAVE NOTHING WORTH SAYING

GRADUATES, I HAVE NOTHING WORTH SAYING

Ladies, gentlemen, faculty, students -- thank you for inviting me to be your commencement speaker.Boooo!Wait. I haven't said anything yet.Boooo!Yes, I know I was a last-minute replacement. Your Republican governor couldn't come because he's afraid of getting booed. Your Democratic senator couldn't come because he's afraid of getting booed. Your rock star alumnus couldn't come because he once wrote a song for the Dixie Chicks. So they asked me.Boooo!
NOW WHAT? IT’S CONAN THE REPUBLICAN

NOW WHAT? IT’S CONAN THE REPUBLICAN

Ionce played pool with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Really. He invited me to his home in Sun Valley, Idaho, (one of several homes he owns) and I walked in through a massive foyer and came upon a dining room table that had to be, conservatively, a mile and a half long.Arnold sat at the far end, like a dot on the horizon. His wife, Maria Shriver, sat next to him. (I think it was her; I'm a little nearsighted.) Upon seeing me, Arnold, a friendly fellow, waved hello and yelled something. I waited for the echo to reach me, and when it did, these were the words:
EVEN MORNHINWEG COULD GO 1-5 WITH THIS TEAM

EVEN MORNHINWEG COULD GO 1-5 WITH THIS TEAM

Joey Harrington was moving backward, much like his team, after another Dallas Cowboy intercepted another one of his passes. The Cowboy, Mario Edwards, was charging hard and Harrington, near the goal line, dropped to make a tackle. Forget it. Edwards burst through his grasp and was gone. Just like the game.And just like the season.
SORENSTAM HAS EARNED HER SHOT AT THE BIG BOYS

SORENSTAM HAS EARNED HER SHOT AT THE BIG BOYS

Now that Annika Sorenstam, the best female golfer in the world, has accepted an invitation to play a PGA Tour event -- against the best male golfers in the world -- a lot of people want to weigh in.Some say, "Good for her." They feel if a woman is good enough to hold her own against the men, why not let her try?Others say, "This is the end of the world. If a woman plays on the men's tour, then men should play on the women's tour -- and then where would we be?"Well. We wouldn't be at Augusta, I can tell you that.
THEY DESERVE MORE THAN A RIGHT CROSS

THEY DESERVE MORE THAN A RIGHT CROSS

Last week, as I sat before my TV watching Tonya Harding pummel Paula Jones, I was struck with a sudden thought.More.I want Darva Conger next. Linda Tripp after that. Jenny McCarthy should be in the wings, alongside Gennifer Flowers, (Downtown) Julie Brown, Lorena Bobbitt and that witchy woman from "Survivor."

Mitch Albom writes about running an orphanage in impoverished Port-au-Prince, Haiti, his kids, their hardships, laughs and challenges, and the life lessons he’s learned there every day.

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