by | Nov 21, 2008 | Detroit Free Press | 0 comments

Yes, sir. It’s that time of year again. You open your door and on your porch is the entire sports world, singing its unique versions of popular Christmas carols. Such as …

Scott Mitchell sings …

“I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”

I saw Bobby picking Charlie Batch

And I knew my Detroit years were thru

He could have used me once

Maybe let me kick some punts

Instead I’m standing every week

With a clipboard like a dunce

I saw Bobby picking Charlie Batch

And I knew that I would say good-bye

Oh, I wonder what you’ll say

When I finally have my day

And I came back playing for …Tampa Bay!

NBA players sing …

“The Twelve Days Of Christmas”

On the 170th day of the lockout

My accountant said to me,

“Sell your Mercedes, mortgage the condo

“Trade in the jewelry, unhook the cell phone

“Ask for a car loan, unload the beach house

“Yourrrrr stocks have crashhhhed

“Tell the stripper girl, you can’t go

“To Jamaica now

“And by the way, please pay me in cash.”

Baseball owners sing to Mark McGwire …

“God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman”

God rest ye merry home run king

For you have swung your bat

Seventy home runs this year

No one can topple that!

Bud Selig has just one request

Of your phenomenon

Next year could you hit seventy-one,

Just for fun?

How about you try for seventy-one?

Red Wings fans sing …

“Frosty the Snow Man”

Ozzie the goalie

Had a face of a young lad

If he tried to see, an “R” movie

They would say, “Go get your Dad”

Ozzie the goalie

Hadn’t won a Cup as yet

So the critics said, that the Wings were dead

If it came down to the net

But in the playoffs people saw

That Ozzie was an ace

And when he took the mask away

He had whiskers on his face!

Ozzie the goalie

Is a star now, which is nice

But when he goes, to the movie shows

He has to pay full price.

Dennis Rodman’s version of …

“Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”

Dennis the red-nosed forward, didn’t have a thing to do

So he went to Las Vegas, Carmen went to Vegas, too

All of the other players, waited for the NBA

Dennis had some libations, he and Carmen went to play

On that very foggy night, a chapel they did find

Someone said, “Mr. Worm, do you?”

And he said, “Uh (Burp!) I do . . .”

When he woke up next morning

Dennis shouted out with glee

“Uh-oh, I think I’m married …

“Someone call my a-tor-ney!”

Mike Tyson sings …

“The Little Drummer Boy”

I saw Evander there, then

Chew, chew, chew, chew

His ear was hanging there, then

Chew, chew, chew, chew,

Right underneath his hair, I

Chewed, chewed, chewed, chewed,

I like mine medium rare

I chewed, chewed, chewed, chewed

Oh, how they booed!

Guess it was rude

Not just one ear, but two

I chew, chew, chew, chewed

A man needs his food.

Kansas State sings …

“Jingle Bell Rock”

Alamo, Alamo, Alamo Bowl

How did we drop

To the Alamo Bowl?

In our last game, we were No. 1

Boy, oh, boy, those days were fun!

Alamo, Alamo, Alamo Bowl

We were one play away

Florida State gets Tennessee — great

We get the Alamo-

We’re cryin in our towels-oh-

We get the Alamo Bowl!

NFL coaches sing …

“O Christmas Tree”

O Randy Moss, O Randy Moss

We now admit we blew it

We did resort, to your police report

We wish we could re-do it

If we had known, how good you are

Heck we’d have let you steal OUR car

If you desired, our scouts we’d fire

O Randy Moss, we blew it.

Michael Jordan sings …

“Silent Night”

Silent Night, gameless night,

Got no team, got no flight

Got no Scotty with which to fight

Phil refuses to reunite

If there’s no N-B-Aaaaaaa

Maybe some baseball I’ll play …

Mitch Albom will sign “Tuesdays With Morrie” 7-8 tonight at Barnes & Noble in Grosse Pointe and 5-6 p.m. Saturday at Borders in Birmingham (on Woodward). To leave a message for Mitch, call 1-313-223-4581 or E-mail


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New book, The Little Liar, arrives November 14. Get the details »

Mitch Albom writes about running an orphanage in impoverished Port-au-Prince, Haiti, his kids, their hardships, laughs and challenges, and the life lessons he’s learned there every day.

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