Did you hear? The circus is in town. Tonight’s the night Larry Brown comes back to Detroit.
First, right off the bat, let’s say the Pistons and their fans owe Brown a nod of thanks. He did help bring the team a championship.
But Larry’s with the Knicks now, which makes him the enemy on several levels.
Since leaving Detroit with $7 million in go-away money – and supposedly in health so shaky he wasn’t sure he could coach again – we’ve spotted a robust and tanned-looking Larry on everything from Charlie Rose to David Letterman
So, since Letterman is known for his Top 10 lists, let’s make the old coach feel at home with a few Top 10 Lists of our own. However, since the Pistons were only paying Larry half of what he’s getting in New York, we’ll make it Top Five lists.
As you know, Larry, times are tough.
TOP FIVE THINGS PISTONS FANS WOULD LIKE TO SAY TO LARRY
5. Excuse me, sir, do you have a ticket?
4. 11-2! 11-2!
3. So, how you like that New York traffic?
2. Brown? Which one was he again?
1. Mayo Clinic. Yeah. Right.
TOP FIVE THINGS LARRY IS SURE TO SAY IN HIS NEWS CONFERENCE
5. Hey, I loved Detroit.
4. Hey, I loved the guys.
3. Hey, I loved Joe.
2. Hey, I loved Mr. D.
1. Look, all I wanted was for them to double my money and tell me I was the most important part of the franchise and I would have stayed – wait, did I say that out loud?
TOP FIVE THINGS OVERHEARD ON LARRY’S CELL PHONE
5. Quick, remind me again, which one was Rasheed and which one was Ben?
4. Look. Doc. I’m begging you. Give me an
X ray that shows something.
3. Off the record, it’s the players this guy Isiah has given me
2. I just hope they play Darko a lot.
1. Has Cleveland called?
TOP FIVE THINGS OVERHEARD IN PISTONS LOCKER ROOM BEFORE THE GAME
5. Man, it’s quiet this year.
4. He WAS our coach. Let’s only win by 20.
3. Lemme get this straight. They paid that short dude $7 million NOT to coach here?
2. What’s our record again? Oh, yeah, 11-2.
1. How about that? We DO know how to play!
TOP FIVE THINGS HEARD IN KNICKS LOCKER ROOM BEFORE TONIGHT’S GAME
5. Man, we should win this for Coach.
4. Why? He just got here.
3. I want to renegotiate.
2. I’d like to help Larry out, but he keeps using this word “defense” and frankly, I’m not sure what he means.
1. Yeah. Right. Us beat Detroit.
TOP FIVE REGRETS LARRY WILL HAVE TONIGHT
5. Misses the old days, when his players actually passed the ball.
4. Wishes he could trade Stephon Marbury for a towel rack.
3. Gee, the taxes here were low.
2. I never should have said, “I love you guys.” What was I thinking?
1. I bet if I had called Mr. D an “an old goat” I could have gotten $10 million to leave.
TOP FIVE LARRY EXPLANATIONS FOR A KNICKS LOSS TONIGHT
5. We’re young.
4. We’re still learning.
3. Hey, those are the world champs we lost to – well, they would have been if the refs didn’t stick it to us in San Antonio.
2. Did I mention I don’t feel so good?
1. To be honest, it’s the players this guy Isiah has given me
TOP FIVE REASONS LARRY CAME BACK TO DETROIT INSTEAD OF FINDING AN EXCUSE TO STAY IN NEW YORK
5. Left the $7 million in a locker at Metro.
4. Wants Ben Wallace to teach his team what a “rebound” is.
3. Misses Vernor’s.
2. Had a “special” relationship with Hooper the mascot.
AND THE NO. 1 REASON LARRY CAME BACK TO DETROIT INSTEAD OF FINDING AN EXCUSE TO STAY IN NEW YORK
1. Because he’s Larry. He wouldn’t miss this for the world.
Contact MITCH ALBOM at 313-223-4581 or firstname.lastname@example.org. He will sign copies of “The Five People You Meet In Heaven” at 2 p.m. Saturday at Borders Books at Arborland in Ann Arbor.