DON’T BOTHER SAYING IT; SORRY, LIONS

* VIKINGS 23, LIONS 20: I know what you’re saying. “It’s indoors! The Lions play well indoors!” I know what you’re saying. “Mike Utley! They’ll dedicate the game to Mike Utley!’ I know what you’re saying. “Last time! The Lions beat the Vikings last time!” I know all that. I also know that if the Vikings blow this one, they’re out of the playoff picture. So I think they’ll play harder, and they’ll win. Sorry.

* WASHINGTON 21, DALLAS 10: In Washington these days, they don’t say,”Who’s the next opponent?” They say, “Who’s the next victim?”

* GREEN BAY 13 INDIANAPOLIS 3: If you stuck me on a spit and roasted me, I still wouldn’t watch this game.
* NY JETS 20, SAN DIEGO 6: If you baked me in boiling barbecue sauce, I still wouldn’t watch this game.
* KANSAS CITY 21, CLEVELAND 14: I’m getting hungry.
* BUFFALO 20, NEW ENGLAND 13: I know this is gonna sound funny, but . . . I miss Victor Kiam. I haven’t had a good laugh in a while.
* HOUSTON 30, PITTSBURGH 10: I don’t know what the Steelers did to the schedule makers, but they play Washington and Houston back-to-back, so it must have been really bad.
* LA RAIDERS 19, CINCINNATI 9: Now that Bo Jackson has announced his retirement from football, I guess Al Davis takes over his Nike ads, right? Can’t you see Al running down the block with a cigarette in his mouth? “Just do it, baby. Cough, cough.”
* CHICAGO 24, MIAMI 10: Have the Dolphins stopped turning the ball over yet from Monday night?
* NY GIANTS 16, TAMPA BAY 9: Question: Has Phil Simms washed his uniform yet this year?
* PHILADELPHIA 10, PHOENIX 0: Battle of the PH’s. A balanced game.
* DENVER 23, SEATTLE 16: I don’t get it. The Broncos are 8-3, the Seahawks are 5-6, but Seattle is favored by three points. Somebody knows something and isn’t telling, that’s what I think.
* NEW ORLEANS 23, ATLANTA 10: It’s been at least a month since Jerry Glanville said anything really stupid. Is that some kind of record?
* (MONDAY NIGHT) SAN FRANCISCO 20, LA RAMS 14: No Joe Montana, no Steve Young,

and these teams combined have lost 14 games. Should be a real boost for ratings, eh?
* RECORD LAST WEEK: 11-3.
* RECORD VS. SPREAD: 7-7.
* SEASON RECORD: 112-43.
* SEASON VS. SPREAD: 75-74-6.
* BEST PICK LAST WEEK: Washington 31, Pittsburgh 10 (Redskins won, 41-14).
* WORST PICK LAST WEEK: New Orleans 28, San Diego 0 (Chargers won, 24-21).

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