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Dr. Football is in – open wide & say, ‘hike!’

by | Nov 7, 2014 | Detroit Free Press, Sports | 0 comments

Once again, Dr. Football is holding office hours. Your questions, please?

So you’re really going to do this every Friday?

If Johnny Manziel can take a weekly paycheck and not play, so can I.

Dr. Football, has Michigan State vs. Ohio State really replaced Michigan vs. Ohio State?

No, as much as Michigan would like that, the game is still scheduled.

If the Spartans beat the Buckeyes, will they finally jump from No. 8 into the playoff picture?

Actually, the way it’s been going, they’ll win and fall to 10th.

Hey, Dr. Football. Is it just me, or is Tom Brady starting to lose his hair?

Knock it off, Peyton.

Dear Dr. Football. Please tell me that Calvin Johnson will play this week.

All right. Calvin Johnson will play this week.

Really?

Who knows? You asked me to tell you.

With road games coming up against Arizona and New England, are the Lions headed for another second-half swoon?

I don’t think so. But let’s be honest. If they fall to Miami at home this weekend, they could be one game over .500 by Thanksgiving.

Come on, Dr. Football. The Patriots aren’t that great. They get all the calls. So does their quarterback!

Knock it off, Peyton.

Wolverines and Lions, oh my

Dr. Football, can you say anything for sure about Michigan’s next athletic director?

He won’t come from a pizza company.

And will Brady Hoke have to face the music?

You mean “Taps”?

Hey, Dr. Football. Why must the Lions go back to London next year?

To pay for C.J. Mosley’s smoke detector.

President Tom Lewand said the Lions returning to London is the first time an NFL team has “gone back in back-to-back years.” Doesn’t that sound suspiciously like the Beatles song, “Get back”?

Jojo was a man who thought he was a Lion.

Speaking of London, aren’t the Cowboys there now?

That’s right.

What do you make of Dallas owner Jerry Jones saying that Tony Romo can play “five more years”?

He meant golf.

Hey, Dr. Football. Why is everyone making such a fuss over Ben Roethlisberger? So he threw for 12 touchdown passes in two weeks. What’s the big **&&%$ deal?

Calm down, Peyton.

Dear Dr. Football. I missed the news conference. What was the question that got Ndamukong Suh to answer, “I just think, mentally, I’m a different cat.”

“Why don’t you get along with Garfield?”

Legalese and singing

Hey, Doc. Now that Adrian Peterson has reached a plea deal on child-abuse charges, will he suddenly — presto! — be back playing football?

Ask his lawyer. Obviously, he’s a magician.

How did Nike explain dropping Peterson?

Just blew it.

Dr. Football. All three Lions’ tight ends, Eric Ebron, Brandon Pettigrew and Joseph Fauria, are listed as “questionable.” What does that say?

I think it speaks for itself.

Dr. Football, how is it that Florida State kicked off a reserve linebacker for violating team rules, but its Heisman-winning quarterback, Jameis Winston, is still on the roster?

I think you answered your own question.

Hey, Dr. Football. Have you seen that commercial where Peyton Manning sings the “Nationwide is on your side” melody?

Yes.

Don’t you think he should be on “The Voice”?

Very funny, Peyton.

Is Urban Meyer really that good?

You should see his brother, Rural.

Will Ohio drivers will be targeted in East Lansing?

Nah. License and registration, please.

When will Ray Rice be back in the NFL?

Sometime before O.J.

To send a question for Dr. Football next week, contact Mitch Albom: malbom@freepress.com. Check out the latest updates with his charities, books and events at MitchAlbom.com. Catch “The Mitch Albom Show” 5-7 p.m. weekdays on WJR-AM (760). Follow him on Twitter @mitchalbom. To read his recent columns, go to freep.com/sports/mitch-albom.

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