I thought I had seen it all. Then I heard Jerry Glanville say he was leaving tickets for Elvis Presley. And then I heard Jim Arnold say, “I don’t have to leave tickets for Elvis, I’ll give ’em to him myself.” Pretty soon I expect Priscilla to say, “Elvis isn’t coming to any nasty old football game. He’s got to mow the lawn.”

Anyhow, on to this week’s picks:

* LIONS 34, FALCONS 30: As long as Barry Sanders gets the ball 25 times, the defensive line stops one out of three plays, and Rodney Peete doesn’t get clubbed in the head again.
* CHICAGO 13, GREEN BAY 12: The Pack says it’s great. The Pack says it doesn’t even need Don Majkowski. I say, “Prove it.”
* LA RAMS 20, TAMPA BAY 19: Sorry, but Vinny Testaverde isn’t as great as he looked against the Lions. Y.A. Tittle wasn’t that good.
* NEW ENGLAND 28, INDIANAPOLIS 21: Jeff George, ousted by a concussion against Buffalo, spent most of the week walking in circles and saying, “Are you my Dad? God, my head hurts. Mom, the bus is here. . . .”
* SAN FRANCISCO 30, WASHINGTON 27: Eric Williams makes 16 unassisted tackles, 12 sacks and returns two fumbles for touchdowns. “Why didn’t you do that in Detroit?” he is asked. “I was just saving myself,” he says.
* NEW YORK 24, DALLAS 20: We have to work with David Meggett. Great little player. But that name has got to go.
* CLEVELAND 16, JETS 10: Bernie Kosar was sacked seven times last week. This week he’ll take the snaps lying down, to save time.
* LA RAIDERS 24, SEATTLE 10: Isn’t it funny that just when Al Davis decided to keep the Raiders in LA, they start playing as if they’re in Oakland?
* PITTSBURGH 28, HOUSTON 23: Did you notice the run ‘n’ shoot was 0-2 last week?
* CINCINNATI 17, SAN DIEGO 10: The last time Ickey Woods played football, the world had never heard of Bart Simpson.
* MINNESOTA 30, NEW ORLEANS 28: You kind of wonder who Bart Simpson would root for.
* MIAMI 34, BUFFALO 31: Marino. Kelly. They get excited over this in Florida.
* PHILADELPHIA 35, PHOENIX 9: The only thing these teams have in common is the Ph.
* DENVER 21, KANSAS CITY 20 (MONDAY NIGHT): Honestly, now. You think John Elway really wants to go to the Super Bowl again?
* LAST WEEK’S RECORD: 9-5.
* AGAINST SPREAD: 4-10.
* BEST PICK: Kansas City 20, Minnesota 19. (Chiefs won, 24-21.)
* WORST PICK: Lions 28, Tampa Bay 20. (Tampa Bay won, 38-21.)

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