OK. About the last two weeks. Let me explain. The Super Bowl champion 49ers came in to play the Lions — and I picked the 49ers. The Super Bowl runner-up Dolphins came in the following week — and I picked the Dolphins.
In both cases, the Lions won.
“How could you be so disloyal?” people asked. “How could you possibly give up on our home team?” people asked. (Actually, I’m not sure whether people asked this. I know the guy at the dry cleaner asked it. At least, I thought I heard him ask it; although, now that I think of it, he might have been talking to someone else.)
Anyhow, there is a very good explanation, which I am now at liberty to reveal. The truth is, I knew the Lions would win both of those games. But we couldn’t risk complacency. That would be bad. So I picked against the Lions to get them mad. To get them really riled up. To get them to say, “We’ll show that pencil neck!”
And it worked.
Sorry I had to keep this plan a secret, but you know how it is.
And here it is again . . .
LIONS 19, VIKINGS 16: Now that we’re back on track, I can play it straight. Of course, we win. Naturally, we win. Did I ever say we wouldn’t win? Nah. Come on. Me?
SAINTS 17, RAMS 16: LA is the worst 7-1 team I’ve ever seen.
OILERS 20, CHIEFS 10: Things have so deteriorated in Kansas City that coach John Mackovic stopped the complimentary food after practices, telling players: “There’s no such thing as a free lunch.” The players drove home in their Porsches and tried to understand what he meant.
RAIDERS 17, SEAHAWKS 16: Mean. Ugly. Vicious. Blood.
REDSKINS 35, FALCONS 7: Mean. Ugly. Vicious. Blood. All Atlanta’s.
BEARS 23, PACKERS 19: Chicago is using Refrigerator Perry at running back. Why stop there? How about Richard Dent returning punts? How about Mike Ditka place-kicking?
COWBOYS 34, CARDINALS 20: How about Rafael Septien at middle linebacker?
JETS 31, COLTS 21: How about Mark Gastineau at quarterback? He could fade back, fade back, then sack himself.
49ERS 24, EAGLES 23: Take ’em to the dance, Joe Montana.
GIANTS 28, BUCCANEERS 14: Ah, Tampa Bay, dahling, sweetheart, lambkins, angel-face, you stink.
BRONCOS 23, CHARGERS 10: Denver is ripe for an upset. Unfortunately, San Diego is mush.
BENGALS 17, BILLS 9: Cincinnati. Buffalo. Blech. They should force the loser to spend a week in the other team’s town. Then you’d see some inspired play.
BROWNS 19, STEELERS 13: Louie Lipps versus Kosar’s flips, unless Woodley slips, or Matt Bahr trips. Pass the chips.
PATRIOTS 21 1/2, DOLPHINS 21: Ooooooh, so close.
BEST PICK LAST WEEK: Bengals 28, Steelers 24. The Bengals won, 26-21.
WORST PICK LAST WEEK: Dolphins 30, Lions 6. The Lions won, 31-21.
RECORD LAST WEEK: 8-6. I have a good explanation for this, too, but I can’t tell you until next week, when I think it up.