SAN FRANCISCO — Welcome back, fans, to the 1989 World Series, or, as it is now known, The Winter Classic. The Bay Area says “Play ball!” The umpires say
“Play ball!” The nation says “Drop the puck!”
Well. OK. Seeing as no baseball championship has ever been interrupted as long as this one, perhaps it would be wise to refresh out memories with a little pop quiz before we resume with Game 3 tonight.
It is Game 3, isn’t it?
Just testing. 1. How did the A’s gain entry to the Series?
A. They beat Canada.
B. Through the door.
C. They waved their batting averages and the guard let them in. 2. How did the Giants gain entry to the Series?
A. Don Zimmer.
B. Good question.
C. The other teams in the National League said, “Uh, that’s OK. You can play those Oakland guys. Be our guests.” 3. What were the scores of Games 1 and 2?
A. 10-0, and forfeit.
B. “Not close” and “Geez, this is boring.”
C. 95-21. No. Wait. That was Houston football. 4. Who were the pitching stars for San Francisco?
C. Both A and B. 5. What was Jose Canseco’s reaction to the earthquake?
A. What earthquake?
B. Uh-oh. Someone’s stealing my Jaguar.
C. Don’t know. Have to dial 1-900 number. 6. What is Rickey Henderson worth now?
B. $3 million a year.
C. No. It was $3 million two weeks ago. Allowing for sports inflation, it is now $52 million a year. 7. If Will Clark hits five home runs this Series, he will be known as:
1. Mr. November.
2. Will You Call My Limo Clark.
C. Fat chance. 8. Who is Dave Stewart?
A. Payne’s brother.
B. Jackie’s brother.
C. I don’t know. But he talks like Michael Jackson. 9. Match the following 1-900-DIAL-JOSE messages to the correct dates:
A. Oct. 22 A. Hi. Tonight I ate green beans.
B. Oct. 19 B. Hi. Tonight I ate spaghetti.
C. Oct. 20 C. Hi. Tonight I ate green beans. 10. List, in order, Don Robinson’s surgeries:
1. Shoulder, knee, elbow, shoulder.
2. Knee, shoulder, wrist, head examined.
3. Who? 11. Going into tonight’s game, Roger Craig’s biggest concern is:
A. The A’s will show up.
B. The handoff from Joe Montana.
C. Even with 10 days off, he still doesn’t have a pitching staff. 12. Several days ago, the Athletics left the Bay Area and went to Phoenix. For what reason?
A. Catch some rays.
B. They thought it was time for spring training.
C. Jose left his car keys there. 13. The home run heroes of this Series so far:
A. Joe Whatsisname and Frank Ineverheardofhim.
B. Dave . . . it was Dave something . . . am I warm? . . .
C. Don’t know. Have to dial 1-900 number. 14. Garrelts and Lefferts are:
A. Exotic vegetables, like leeks and fennels.
B. The Giants’ only hope.
C. I’m sorry. I forgot to study. 15. What were the most startling developments of the 10-day delay?
A. When Dave Parker retired, saying: “I felt OK when the Series began, but now, I oughta step outta the way for the young kids.”
B. When Rick Reuschel retired, saying: “I felt OK when the Series began, but now, I oughta step outta the way for the thin kids.”
C. When Candy Maldonado retired, saying: “I felt OK when the Series started, but now I’m gonna quit baseball and hunt the Earth until I find the dead man who gave me this name.” 16. Although it would be safer and more convenient if the games were played in the daytime, they will still be played at night. Cite the reason:
A. The head of ABC is a greedy jerk.
B. People already take afternoon naps.
C. The head of ABC is a greedy jerk. 17. In the event of a rain delay, baseball fans will:
A. Ice skate.
B. Switch to “Miracle On 34th Street,” which should be on by then.
C. Dial 1-900 line. But only if they can’t sleep.