THE LIVE ALBOM (Halloween Edition)I heard a knock. I opened the door. There stood someone dressed like a billionaire; silk suit, silk tie, turtle shoes, keys to a Rolls-Royce.
“Trick or treat!” he said.
Oh. Kirk Gibson. It’s you. Some people might brag about how, in this very newspaper, they predicted the National and the American league pennant winners correctly. I’m not like that, of course.
ODE TO MANUTE BOL
* Some people might brag about how, in this very newspaper, they picked Kansas City to win the World Series in seven games. Not me.
WHAT MANAGING THE YANKEES CAN DO
All kidding aside, Manute Bol should never be here. He was quite content in the Sudan, tending his family’s cattle. Then a guy named Don Feeley, who’d been fired from his coaching job in the United States, spotted the 7-foot-7 Bol, and figured he’d found his meal ticket. He convinced Bol to come to the United States and tried to parlay him into a job at Cleveland State — a
“Take Bol-take me” deal. Since then, Bol has been treated like half ball player, half freak show. Feeley should be ashamed. I heard a knock. I opened the door. There was someone on all fours, dressed like a jackass.
“Trick or treat!” he said.
Oh, Joaquin Andujar. It’s you. Who taught Dr. Ruth all that stuff? HIP, HIP: So Eric Hipple is emerging as a star quarterback. That’s great. Only one problem. “Eric” is not a quarterback’s name.
Chuck is a quarterback’s name. Or Zane. Or Buster. How about Zonker Hipple? Or Dusty Hipple? I’d take Roscoe Hipple, Cloyce Hipple, Lance Hipple, Chub Hipple, “Sweetbread” Hipple, “Bad News” Hipple, Obadiah Hipple.
But Eric? No. Uh-uh.
Tell you what. You come up with a better nickname for the Lions’ quarterback, send it in, and I’ll bring it to him and tell you what he says. Really. Who taught Dr. Ruth all that stuff? Some people might brag about how, in this very newspaper, they predicted KC’s Steve Balboni would get a key hit in the seventh game of the World Series. Don’t you hate people like that? DETROIT MUSCLE: Good show to University of Detroit. They won a court order prohibiting the University of Kansas from bugging out on a scheduled game here Jan 6. Seems Kansas would prefer to play Louisville on national TV and needed to cancel a game to make room. “Tough cookies,” said U of D. A deal’s a deal. If I had it to do all over again, I’d attend Astronaut High School in Titusville, Fla.
WHAT ARE THESE PEOPLE DOING?
1. Trying to throw the player back on the airplane. 2. Saying, “Look! It’s raining first basemen!” 3. Waiting for loose change to fall.
* It may not be in vogue, but I say we give the Red Wings a little more time. Young players can only grow up so fast, you know.
* JOACKY JOAQUIN: By the way, I can’t see Andujar with an Olde English D on his chest. The Tigers would be crazy to trade for him.
* I heard a knock. I opened the door. There was someone dressed in a magician’s robe, with a black hat and a magic wand.
“Trick or treat,” he said.
Oh, Darryl Rogers. It’s you.