HARBAUGH ISN’T PAYING, BUT BEARS WILL

* LIONS 23, BEARS 17: Too bad Jim Harbaugh isn’t putting his $70,000 on the line this week. The Lions could use it to buy an offensive lineman.

* SAN FRANCISCO 24, TAMPA BAY 10: The 49ers would like to win and stay in San Fran throughout the playoffs. The Bucs would like to stay in San Fran throughout the playoffs, too. On vacation.

* KANSAS CITY 23, NY GIANTS 9: Jeff Hostetler returns. I have one question: What for?
* NEW ORLEANS 20, BUFFALO 14: The closer it gets to a Super Bowl, the worse Buffalo seems to play. What would Freud say?
* CLEVELAND 19, HOUSTON 16: The Oilers receivers, Haywood Jeffires, Ernest Givins, Curtis Duncan and Webster Slaughter — are being nicknamed the Fab Four. Do they trash talk?
* PITTSBURGH 21, MINNESOTA 17: Is that collar getting a little tight around the Vikings’ necks?
* GREEN BAY 28, LA RAMS 14: The Packers headed for the playoffs?
* WASHINGTON 24, PHILADELPHIA 17: Randall Cunningham was sacked 10 times last week — by the Seahawks! I’d feel nervous picking him to make it to the bathroom without a tackle.
* INDIANAPOLIS 8, PHOENIX 4: Root canal! I would rather have root canal than watch this game!
* SAN DIEGO 24, LA RAIDERS 10: Spago is out. The zoo is in.
* MIAMI 14, NY JETS 10: That was the San Diego zoo I was talking about. Just in case you missed the reference.
* DENVER 23, SEATTLE 7: John Elway returns. We can go back to watching the last two minutes of Broncos games.
* CINCINNATI 8, NEW ENGLAND 0: Hot lead! I would rather sit in hot lead than watch this game!
* (MONDAY NIGHT) DALLAS 28, ATLANTA 10: I am hoping, just for the poetry of it, that one of the Cowboys knocks Deion Sanders flat on his back.
* BEST PICK LAST WEEK: San Francisco 23, Minnesota 20. (San Francisco won, 20-17.)
* WORST PICK LAST WEEK: Cleveland 23, Lions 14. (Detroit won, 24-14.)
* RECORD LAST WEEK: 8-6.
* RECORD VS. SPREAD: 6-8.
* SEASON RECORD: 126-70.
* SEASON VS. SPREAD: 86-104-5.

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