by | Feb 25, 2009 | Comment, Detroit Free Press | 0 comments

I hear a knock. I open my door. Look who’s come a-Christmas caroling with their own personal spin …

Striking Hollywood writers do “Joy to the World”:

Joy to the world, we’re still on strike

Let reruns fill the aiiiir!

Let every week of “Heroes”

Look like last week of “Heroes”

Let “CSI” go away

“Grey’s Anatomy” go gray

Then maybe, just maaaay-be

We’ll get our pay

Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson duet on her being a distraction with “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”:

You really can’t stay (baby, it’s cold outside)

It’s hurting my play (but, baby, it’s cold outside)

I know you look like, an athlete’s dream

(I’ve got some underwear you ain’t seen)

But when you’re up there waving

(Am I making your head go ’round?)

I’m supposed to be concentrating

(Your passes are hitting the ground)

Come back when it’s warm

(But, baby, it’s coooold outside)

President George W. Bush laments his critics with “The Little Drummer Boy”:

I am the president, not dumb-da-dumb-dumb

Got Condi on my side, not dumb-da-dumb-dumb

OK, Iraq’s not great, and health care’s no fun

My foreign policy may all come undone

Poverty? Some

Civil rights? None

But I ran two campaigns and even won one

So don’t call me dumb

Les Miles bares his confusion with “Silver Bells”:

Les is more,

check my scores

Why can’t I be in Ann Arbor?

Les is great,

check my tapes

Why am I here at LSU?

The Mitchell Report gang does “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”:

We saw Clemens taking HGH

Somewhere in a locker room last year

Pettitte took a shot, Giambi took a lot

There’s Bonds and Lenny Dykstra

There’s so many we forgot, oh

We saw Clemens taking HGH

Steroids are more prevalent than beer!

Oh we know our case is weak

But none of the players would speak

Looks like blood tests will be big next year!

Bill Clinton warns America with “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town”:

You better watch out, you better not blink

2008 is closer than you think

And Hillary is coming to town

She’s loading the vans, she’s moving back in

Put our stuff back where it’d once been

Hillary is coming to town

She sees me when I’m sleeping

She knows who’s on my phone

She monitors my every move

Guess I’ll spend New Year’s alone – but

You better watch out, the girls’ll all scream

When Hotty First Hubby is back on the scene

Bill-ary is coming to town

Britney Spears soothes her pregnant sister, Jamie Lynn, with “Deck the Halls”:

Deck the halls, a new Spears baby


Will there be a husband? – Maybe


Little sister, someone kissed her

Long as his last name ain’t … Federline

Deck the halls, a new Spears baby

I’m so glad, I’m so glad – it ain’t mine

Detroit Lions fans share their annual woe, with “The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)”:

Safeties falling down like bowling pins

Linemen missing all their blocks

Quarterbacks having no time to throw

And coaches pounding on their rocks

Just turn back the clocks

Another losing football year

Playoffs still remain a dream

Although it’s been said many times, many ways

Santa, please, bring us a new team

Contact MITCH ALBOM at 313-223-4581 or malbom@freepress.com. Catch “The Mitch Albom Show” 5-7 p.m. weekdays on WJR-AM (760).


Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

New book, The Little Liar, arrives November 14. Get the details »

Mitch Albom writes about running an orphanage in impoverished Port-au-Prince, Haiti, his kids, their hardships, laughs and challenges, and the life lessons he’s learned there every day.

Subscribe for bonus content and giveaways!