Good morning. Merry Christmas. Hear those voices outside your door? Look, it’s . . .
Kirk Gibson singing “Winter Wonderland”
Watch me swing, it’s a dinger,
World Seee-ries, what a dinger!
I’m hobblin’ along, singing my song,
A hero now in laid-back La-La Land
It’s outta here! What’s my hurry?
Injured knee, I can’t scurry,
But TV is neat, they repeat and repeat,
Every night in laid-back La-La Land
People say I’m now like Robert Redford,
Natural as a natural can be,
I say shucks, I’m not like Robert Redford,
I doubt that he can swing as hard as me
Tommy L., what a tummy!
Tommy M., what a dummy!
I could quit and get fat,
From just one at-bat
A hero now in laid-back La-La Land. Mike Tyson singing “Jingle Bells”
Dashing through the snow, smack into a tree,
What a year I’ve had
I made history,
Knocked out Larry Holmes,
Michael Spinks was cake,
But every day my greedy wife
Gives me a bellyache, ohhh,
Jingle bells, my marriage smells,
Forty miles away,
All she wants, is all my cash,
Maybe I should punch her face
Jingle bells, my marriage smells,
Let’s go tell the press,
Was it Barbara Walters
Who got me in this mess? The city of Edmonton singing “Blue Christmas”
We’ll have a Blue Christmas, without Wayne,
We’ll be so blue, just thinking about Wayne,
Oiler nights, Oiler days,
Oiler hockey so fine,
Just ain’t the same now,
Without old ninety-nine,
We’ll have a blue Christmas, without Wayne,
Sure makes us wish, we’d bought tickets, when we had Wayne,
He’ll be doin’ OK, with his dudes in LA,
But we’ll have a blue, blue, blue Christmas. Jimmy Devellano: “God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen”
God rest you Stevie Yzerman,
For you are on a blaze,
Don’t you need to save your strength
For April and for May?
Another goal, another goal,
New contract you’ll demand,
This is gonna cost me seven hundred grand,
In one hand,
This is gonna cost me seven hundred grand. Sugar Ray Leonard and Tommy Hearns singing “The Little Drummer Boy”
I have five titles now,
a bum-bum-bum-bum
Big deal, Ray, so do I,
a bum-bum-bum-bum
My five are better, see,
a bum-bum-bum-bum
You got ’em same as me with a
bum-bum-bum-bum, bum-bum-bum-bum, bum-bum-bum-bum
We both made history and here’s how it comes
We’re fighting bums. Ben Johnson singing “Frosty The Snowman”
I’m Johnson the sprinter
I’m as fast as I can be
With my muscle bulge and my pigeon toes
I could outrun history,
I’m Johnson the sprinter
The winner of the race,
But they took away my Olympic day
And I flew home in disgrace
It must have been that bottle that I drank and then I dumped
Or could it be those needles that they stuck into my rump?
I’m Johnson the sprinter
Was it steroids? I won’t tell
Just flex my pecs, say what the heck
Guess I’ll join the NFL. Jacques Demers singing “Deck the Halls”
Deck the halls with clothes in smolly
Falalalala, lalalala,
Tis the reason yes, lake, dolly, Falalalala,
I’m still working, on my English
Don’t know yet, all the word, la-la-la
Hockey, lockey, do the trolly
Falalalala, da doo run run. Isiah Thomas, singing “Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree”
Dribblin’ around the Christmas tree
Have a happy holiday,
Everyone’s talking about our team
Thinking we’ll go all the way,
Dribblin’ around the Christmas tree
Gonna kiss Magic in June
Anyone steps on my ankle this time
. . . I’ll kill em. Wayne Fontes singing “Joy To The World”
Joy to the world, now I’m head coach
I’m happy as can beeeee
So what I got no quarterback?
So what I got no running back?
And receivers that are slow,
And linemen who don’t show,
And no coaching staff or fan support and . . . and . . . hey wait a minute.
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