Good morning. Merry Christmas. Hear those voices outside your door? Look, it’s . . .

Kirk Gibson singing “Winter Wonderland”

Watch me swing, it’s a dinger,

World Seee-ries, what a dinger!

I’m hobblin’ along, singing my song,

A hero now in laid-back La-La Land

It’s outta here! What’s my hurry?

Injured knee, I can’t scurry,

But TV is neat, they repeat and repeat,

Every night in laid-back La-La Land

People say I’m now like Robert Redford,

Natural as a natural can be,

I say shucks, I’m not like Robert Redford,

I doubt that he can swing as hard as me

Tommy L., what a tummy!

Tommy M., what a dummy!

I could quit and get fat,

From just one at-bat

A hero now in laid-back La-La Land. Mike Tyson singing “Jingle Bells”

Dashing through the snow, smack into a tree,

What a year I’ve had

I made history,

Knocked out Larry Holmes,

Michael Spinks was cake,

But every day my greedy wife

Gives me a bellyache, ohhh,

Jingle bells, my marriage smells,

Forty miles away,

All she wants, is all my cash,

Maybe I should punch her face

Jingle bells, my marriage smells,

Let’s go tell the press,

Was it Barbara Walters

Who got me in this mess? The city of Edmonton singing “Blue Christmas”

We’ll have a Blue Christmas, without Wayne,

We’ll be so blue, just thinking about Wayne,

Oiler nights, Oiler days,

Oiler hockey so fine,

Just ain’t the same now,

Without old ninety-nine,

We’ll have a blue Christmas, without Wayne,

Sure makes us wish, we’d bought tickets, when we had Wayne,

He’ll be doin’ OK, with his dudes in LA,

But we’ll have a blue, blue, blue Christmas. Jimmy Devellano: “God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen”

God rest you Stevie Yzerman,

For you are on a blaze,

Don’t you need to save your strength

For April and for May?

Another goal, another goal,

New contract you’ll demand,

This is gonna cost me seven hundred grand,

In one hand,

This is gonna cost me seven hundred grand. Sugar Ray Leonard and Tommy Hearns singing “The Little Drummer Boy”

I have five titles now,

a bum-bum-bum-bum

Big deal, Ray, so do I,

a bum-bum-bum-bum

My five are better, see,

a bum-bum-bum-bum

You got ’em same as me with a

bum-bum-bum-bum, bum-bum-bum-bum, bum-bum-bum-bum

We both made history and here’s how it comes

We’re fighting bums. Ben Johnson singing “Frosty The Snowman”

I’m Johnson the sprinter

I’m as fast as I can be

With my muscle bulge and my pigeon toes

I could outrun history,

I’m Johnson the sprinter

The winner of the race,

But they took away my Olympic day

And I flew home in disgrace

It must have been that bottle that I drank and then I dumped

Or could it be those needles that they stuck into my rump?

I’m Johnson the sprinter

Was it steroids? I won’t tell

Just flex my pecs, say what the heck

Guess I’ll join the NFL. Jacques Demers singing “Deck the Halls”

Deck the halls with clothes in smolly

Falalalala, lalalala,

Tis the reason yes, lake, dolly, Falalalala,

I’m still working, on my English

Don’t know yet, all the word, la-la-la

Hockey, lockey, do the trolly

Falalalala, da doo run run. Isiah Thomas, singing “Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree”

Dribblin’ around the Christmas tree

Have a happy holiday,

Everyone’s talking about our team

Thinking we’ll go all the way,

Dribblin’ around the Christmas tree

Gonna kiss Magic in June

Anyone steps on my ankle this time

. . . I’ll kill em. Wayne Fontes singing “Joy To The World”

Joy to the world, now I’m head coach

I’m happy as can beeeee

So what I got no quarterback?

So what I got no running back?

And receivers that are slow,

And linemen who don’t show,

And no coaching staff or fan support and . . . and . . . hey wait a minute.

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