If Herschel Walker, whose talents still did not lead to a single victory for the Dallas Cowboys this season, was worth 12 players, a new house, a Mercedes and an extra $1.5 million cash above his salary, just think what other NFL stars might fetch:

* Eric Dickerson: 15 players, three condominiums, $2 million cash and a lifetime supply of goggles.

* Randall Cunningham: 23 players, apartment complex, $3 million and a Coca-Cola bottling plant.
* Joe Montana: 45 players, most of Bloomfield Hills, $8 million and General Motors.

And now, for this week’s picks:
* MINNESOTA 23, DETROIT 20: Here is what I want to know about Herschel’s new Mercedes: Did it come with a full tank of gas?
* BUFFALO 24, NY JETS 7: Just hold the Jets under Niagara Falls for a while. They’ll wake up.
* CINCINNATI 20, INDIANAPOLIS 10: Did you hear Dickerson’s comments on TV last week: “Why should a woman get half my money in a divorce? She never took a hit, she never played with pain, she never made a tackle.” That’s right, ladies. And you can reach Eric at 1-517-238. . . .
* HOUSTON 27, PITTSBURGH 12: Was that really the Oilers last week, beating the Bears — on the road?
* KANSAS CITY 17, DALLAS 12: I see Steve Pelluer throwing a touchdown pass for KC. I see Steve Pelluer smiling. I see Jimmy Johnson saying, “Why can’t we get that guy on our team?”
* LA RAMS 29, NEW ORLEANS 16: No Saints in Los Angeles. Not that I’ve ever met.
* MIAMI 30, GREEN BAY 20: Let’s see. Dan Marino. 53 players, the island of Jamaica, $13 million, and a lifetime supply of Isotoner gloves.
* NY GIANTS 23, SAN DIEGO 13: Let’s see. Jim McMahon. Hmm. I’m not sure what he’s worth anymore.
* PHOENIX 21, ATLANTA 17: Maybe two players and a quarter pounder with cheese?
* PHILADELPHIA 26, LA RAIDERS 17: Bo knows Reggie White. At least he will after today.
* SAN FRANCISCO 28, NEW ENGLAND 10: Steve Grogan is starting at quarterback? What is he, 57 years old?
* DENVER 21, SEATTLE 14: I’m very happy for the Broncos’ success this season.

But if they go to the Super Bowl again, I’m not bothering to show up.
* WASHINGTON 24, TAMPA BAY 20: Igwebuike. Go ahead. Say it 10 times fast. Igwebuike. I dare you.
* CLEVELAND 20, CHICAGO 19 (Monday night): Well. Mike Ditka said they weren’t capable of winning another game.
* RECORD LAST WEEK: 8-6.
* RECORD VS. SPREAD: 3-10-1.
* SEASON RECORD: 53-31.
* SEASON VS. SPREAD: 36-44-4.
* BEST PICK LAST WEEK: New Orleans 28, New York Jets 17. Saints won, 29-14.
* WORST PICK LAST WEEK: Cincinnati 34, Miami 24. Dolphins won, 20-13.

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