* Lions 21, Falcons 17: I fully expect the Lions to win their opener, unless Andre Rison pulls a gun and says he is “just protecting myself,” in which case, I favor the Falcons by whatever they want.
* Chicago 16, NY Giants 13: Already, I miss Ditka. Somehow “Iron Dave” doesn’t have the same ring to it.
* Miami 24, Indianapolis 7: On the injury report, the Colts list “Jeff George, QB, questionable (sulking).”
* San Francisco 19, Pittsburgh 17: I’m thinking of flying out to this one and standing on the 49ers’ sideline, wearing Joe Montana’s number. Just to make Steve Young feel comfortable.
* Green Bay 14, LA Rams 6: I don’t want to say the Packers overpaid Reggie White, but unless he makes 114 sacks in this game, they don’t break even.
* LA Raiders 28, Minnesota 14: Yeah, yeah, yeah. All this talk about Minnesota
being so great. Write this down: Jim McMahon will be on the disabled list by Halloween.
* San Diego 23, Seattle 2: I saw in the Free Press’ special football section
(a fine effort, which I hope, one day, to be able to lift) that Brian Bosworth has been doing “nothing” since leaving football and is making around
$1 million a year. And we wonder why this country has problems.
* Kansas City 17, Tampa Bay 6: Joe Montana is old enough to remember the Alamo. Steve DeBerg fought in it.
* Denver 27, NY Jets 24: Afterward, John Elway takes a cab to Dan Reeves’ swanky New York condo and soaps all his windows.
* Cleveland 26, Cincinnati 14: Congratulations! David Shula, after making several roster cuts, is finally older than all his players.
* Buffalo 23, New England 13: I thought the Bills had agreed to drop out of the league for a few years, by popular demand.
* Philadelphia 10, Phoenix 9: On my list of “Things I have to get used to,” I rank Gary Clark in a Phoenix uniform very high.
* New Orleans 14, Houston 13: Now quarterbacking the Saints, Wade Wilson. Somewhere, Bobby Hebert is saying, “Yeah, good luck.”
* Dallas 21, Washington 17 (Monday night): They did win the Super Bowl, didn’t they?