SEOUL, South Korea — Hey. What are you doing on this page? Don’t you know the Olympics are on TV? Hurry up! Get out of here! There’s some important table tennis you’re missing!
Now that they’re gone.
Here’s this week’s picks . . .
* LIONS 21, JETS 17: Let’s be honest. In the last two weeks, the Jets have beaten two teams that were missing their starting quarterbacks. But the Lions have their starting quarterback. . . . Don’t they?
* DALLAS 20, ATLANTA 19: Herschel Walker cannot save Dallas. Tom Landry cannot save Dallas. J.R. Ewing cannot save Dallas. Thank goodness for the Falcons.
* CINCINNATI 30, CLEVELAND 20: Hey! What do you know! It’s the battle for Ohio! Fellows. Stop fighting. Nobody else wants it.
* INDIANAPOLIS 27, MIAMI 24: I think it’s time somebody woke up the Colts before they sleep through the entire season.
* NEW ORLEANS 20, TAMPA BAY 7: Sorry, Saints. You cannot count on the Bucs to fake a punt, blow it, and give you a touchdown like the Lions did. Christmas comes just once a year, remember?
* NEW ENGLAND 21, HOUSTON 20: It may be time for Oilers coach Jerry Glanville to stop leaving tickets at will call for Elvis Presley, and start leaving them
for a quarterback.
* NY GIANTS 27, LA RAMS 20: Doesn’t really matter. Everyone in LA and New York will be on line for baseball playoff tickets anyhow.
* KANSAS CITY 20, SAN DIEGO 16: I do not believe the Chiefs really beat the Broncos last week. I do not believe the Chargers really beat the Seahawks. Therefore, I do not believe this game will really take place.
* SAN FRANCISCO 31, SEATTLE 30: I do not believe that the 49ers lost to the Falcons last week. I do not believe the Seahawks lost to the Chargers. Therefore, this game does not exist, either.
* CHICAGO 20, GREEN BAY 17: Biff . . . boom . . . ugh . . . bam . . . rrrftghzp!
* WASHINGTON 17, PHOENIX 10: So, Doug Williams didn’t really go to Disneyland. He went to the hospital. Big deal. These are still the Cardinals we’re talking about.
* BUFFALO 28, PITTSBURGH 20: Undefeated? The Bills are undefeated? Forget it. I’m never coming home now.
* MINNESOTA 35, PHILADELPHIA 33: All the Vikings have to do is sit in the locker room, close their eyes, and say “These are the Chicago Bears we’re playing, these are the Chicago Bears . . . ”
* DENVER 30, LA RAIDERS 20 (MONDAY NIGHT): How upset do you think Jay Schroeder was when Doug Williams got sick. I’ll bet he cried for all of, oh, three seconds.
RECORD LAST WEEK: 5-9.
RECORD THIS SEASON: 25-17
BEST PICK LAST WEEK: Buffalo 16, New England 13 (Bills won, 16-14).
WORST PICK LAST WEEK: All the rest.