THE LIVE ALBOM
* I feel just awful that the Celtics were sent home so early. Now they have to resume those summer jobs:
* Larry Bird: Martin Mull impersonator
* Mark Acres; Good Humor truck driver
* Robert Parish: auctioneer, Sotheby’s
* One Piston hoping for the weekend off is James Edwards, who already has to work Sunday, as Oakland Athletics outfielder Dave Henderson.
* The recent Rolling Stone article on the “Bad Boys” Pistons prompted angry statements from players and coach. “Misquoted!” they said. “Unfair!” I notice however, that Rick Mahorn and Bill Laimbeer have purchased rights to the photo used in the article, and will be selling it as a poster next week.
* Bad, maybe. Stupid, no.
* By the way, the first verse of “Bad,” as sung by Mahorn and Laimbeer, has already been written:
“Your butt is ours,
We own the place
You drive the lane,
We eat your face
We’re bad, we’re bad, he’s ugly, I’m smooth
We’re bad, we’re bad, a gap ‘tween his tooth
We’re bad, we’re bad, just ask Rolling Stone
And we pay so much in NBA fines,
We could finance IBM
* I’m happy for Warrior Chris Mullin and his new success. But Chris, buddy, the Archie look went out in 1960.
* THREE REASONS NOT TO WORRY ABOUT THE TIGERS BEING IN LAST PLACE 1. By the time the Pistons finish the playoffs, it’ll be football season, anyhow. 2. You had a lot of summer reading to do. 3. Hot dogs are bad for you.
* How about Mitch Green for citizen of the year?
* When Michigan’s Steve Fisher visited the White House recently, the staff greeted him warmly. “How nice to see you again, Mr. Carter,” they said.
* Look. I like Michigan State, but Tony Mandarich is starting to come across as a jerk.
* I mean, really. He holds out. He wants more than Troy Aikman. Who cares how much weight he can lift? He’s becoming a selfish, muscle-bound clown.
* The only draft behavior worse than his was Deion Sanders’ bad-mouthing Detroit. Hey, Neon. Come visit the Silverdome. And kiss our Astroturf.
* Speaking of college sports, that Bill Frieder thing was real nightmare, wasn’t it?
CUTLINE James as Dave James as James Everything’s . . . Archie? Steve Fisher . . . for President? Coach Freids Coach Freddy?