IT’S MY MOVE, CURT, AND I CROWN ST. LOUIS

FIRST OF ALL, Curt, congratulations on finally making it to Atlanta to do that Super Bowl story on the Falcons.

Unfortunately, that was last year.

They’re not in it this year. And apparently, Curt, neither are you. Are you really going with the Titans? Don’t you know the golden rule? Never pick a team whose logo is a moving van.

Oh, I understand your empathy. You, Curt, have moved a few times yourself. Don’t you hate when those creditors won’t leave you alone?

By the way, a guy named Vinny “Two Thumbs” called. Said you’d know why.

Anyhow, Tennessee moves around, Curt, but for different reasons. They have a greedy owner, Bud Adams, who keeps chasing the bigger, better deal. Took his team from Houston to Memphis to Nashville to another stadium in Nashville.

Now it’s true, Georgia Frontiere, who owns the Rams, also moved her team for money. But she only went from L.A. to Anaheim to St. Louis.

So I win, three moves to four.

Which is pretty much how the Super Bowl will go, Curt. Anything the Titans can do, the Rams can do twice as well. Throw the ball? Steve McNair is nice. Kurt Warner is twice as nice. Run? Eddie George is good. Marshall Faulk is great. Receive? Isaac Byrd is OK. Isaac Bruce is better.

Now I see your fondness for the Titans, Curt. It’s an age thing, right? They have Bruce Matthews, the oldest player in the league, who is still young enough to be your grandson. And they have the wrinkled Neil O’Donnell, who aged 10 years in a single Super Bowl a few years back.

You can relate.

And of course, you like the Titans because of their coach, Jeff Fisher, who studied under Buddy Ryan. You call Buddy “My special Buddha,” don’t you?

But Curt, you’re a writer. Don’t-

You are a writer, aren’t you?

Curt? Hey. Take that cell phone out of your ear. It’s not a Q-Tip.

Anyhow, you’re a writer. You have to see the perfect story here. Warner comes from the parking lot to win the Super Bowl. Dick Vermeil exorcises his demons from 1980, wins the Super Bowl. It’s perfect.

And besides, the Rams score, like, 93 points a game.

Don’t tell me about beating Jacksonville. The Titans won that game because the Jaguars held the ball as if it had head lice. The fact is, Tennessee is one questionable lateral away from being home on the couch. Just ask anyone in Buffalo.

No, Curt, you don’t have to go to Buffalo. Take the cell phone out of your ear.

And hear this: The Rams will win by at least 10 points. You’ve been wrong before, Curt. And you’ll be wrong again. But let’s be grateful for small things.

At least you didn’t pick the Falcons.

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