* COWBOYS 24, LIONS 10: The only similarity between this game and last year’s playoff win will be the traffic jam in the parking lot.

* PHILADELPHIA 14, LA RAIDERS 10: Jim McMahon is back at quarterback, while Randall Cunningham sits on the bench, wearing a headband that says, “NOT MY FAULT.”

* MIAMI 20, INDY 17: Two weeks ago, I would have said “Miami vs. the Colts? HA! Don’t waste my time.” Come to think of it, I did say that.
* NY GIANTS 23, GREEN BAY 9: Don’t look now, the Giants are at .500.
* TAMPA BAY 21, MINNESOTA 20: Perfect time for an upset. And if it doesn’t happen, please destroy this newspaper and forget I ever said it.
* HOUSTON 17, CLEVELAND 7: Bernie Kosar told his coach this week, “I think I’m just about healthy.” His coach said, “Do I know you?”
* NEW ORLEANS 10, NEW ENGLAND 6: This is how low things have gotten for the Patriots: their coach is on injured reserve.
* DENVER 34, NY JETS 20: Why? Because it’s in Denver, that’s why.
* PHOENIX 20, LA RAMS 17: Did John Robinson ever find a job, or did he just go on tour doing Mort Crim impersonations?
* BUFFALO 20, PITTSBURGH 19: Suddenly, everyone has the Steelers going to the Super Bowl. Not so fast.
* KANSAS CITY 17, SAN DIEGO 9: Burt Grossman, speaking about the Chargers’
.500 record, wins the award for best quote of the week: “I haven’t been at
.500 since birth. I was halfway in and halfway out.”
* WASHINGTON 28, SEATTLE 5: You think Jack Kent Cooke is looking at that fat contract he gave Mark Rypien the way people looked at their junk-bond portfolios in 1987?
* CHICAGO 28, CINCINNATI 10: After the game, David Shula calls Mike Ditka’s radio show. “You want to fight me, big boy?” Ditka says. “You know where I live.” Shula sends his dad.
* SAN FRANCISCO 30, ATLANTA 28: (Monday night): They’re still tallying the score from the last time these two teams met.
* BEST PICK LAST WEEK: Atlanta 30, LA Rams 29. (Atlanta won, 30-28.)
* WORST PICK LAST WEEK: San Francisco 34, Phoenix 14. (Phoenix won, 24-14.)
* SEASON VS. SPREAD: 50-59-3.

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