by | Nov 21, 2008 | Detroit Free Press | 0 comments

WASHINGTON 20, DETROIT 17: So what if Rodney Peete hasn’t played more than five minutes all summer? So what if Barry Sanders has barely broken a sweat? So what if the Lions now have a tight end on their team, but nobody knows who he is or what exactly he does? Hey. I still think the Lions can cover the spread. If you can’t be optimistic in the first week of the season, you’re hopeless.

MINNESOTA 17, CHICAGO 14: Refrigerator Perry gets hungry. Eats teammate Neal Anderson. Bears lose.

INDIANAPOLIS 28, NEW ENGLAND 10: Bubba Paris gets hungry. Eats teammate Eric Dickerson. Patriots still lose.

LA RAMS 27, PHOENIX 14: All together now, Phoenix fans — TUPA! TUPA! TUUUUUUUPA!

CINCINNATI 28, DENVER 24: The Broncos begin another season with only one goal in mind: never, ever, ever go back to the Super Bowl.

DALLAS 28, CLEVELAND 20: This is how bad it’s gotten for Bernie Kosar: Now he’s losing to former coach, Jimmy Johnson.

KANSAS CITY 23, ATLANTA 20: Look! Here comes Andre Ris- rrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrr-and there goes Andre Rison.

TAMPA BAY 24, NY JETS 20: Here it is, the first week of the season, and already we’ve got a game I wouldn’t watch if you held a gun to my head.

HOUSTON 24, LA RAIDERS 20: Richard Johnson was the Lions’ top receiver last year. He was recently cut from Houston. What does that tell you?

PITTSBURGH 13, SAN DIEGO 7: I wonder whether Bob Gagliano’s done any surfing out there?

GREEN BAY 21, PHILADELPHIA 20: I don’t want to say the Eagles are different without Buddy Ryan, but they now have group therapy sessions instead of huddles.

NEW ORLEANS 19, SEATTLE 17: Neither one of these teams knows what to do with a football outdoors.

BUFFALO 22, MIAMI 10: Unless it comes down to a Scott Norwood field goal.

NY GIANTS 6, SAN FRANCISCO 2 (Monday night): Phil Simms and Joe Montana get together, watch this one on the tube, and say, “You know, these guys are really dull without us.”


Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Mitch Albom writes about running an orphanage in impoverished Port-au-Prince, Haiti, his kids, their hardships, laughs and challenges, and the life lessons he’s learned there every day.

🛍 For just $2.99/mo or $29.99/year, you get access to every weekly issue

🎁 All proceeds will be donated to help the daily operations of the orphanage, Have Faith Haiti Mission

🗞 Paid subscribers also get to hear directly from the kids through the “Have Faith Haiti Chronicles.” It’s a monthly/quarterly-ish newsletter written and published by students in a media and journalism class.


Subscribe for bonus content and giveaways!