LIONS PLAY THE HIRED HELP

* Lions 17, Green Bay 16: Edgar Bennett is their running back? Edgar? That’s a butler, not a football player.

* Chicago 27, Tampa Bay 14: Erik Kramer resumes the familiar position: seated.

* Miami 26, Indianapolis 17: Bernie and Irving. Could there possibly be better names for a Miami team?
* Minnesota 23, New Orleans 9: The Vikings are beginning to leave people in the dust — no wait, there’s no dust in a dome.
* Pittsburgh 15, Houston 10: I don’t want to say Oilers fans are unhappy with Jack Pardee. I will say there is a new “Bring Back Bum Phillips” campaign.
* San Diego 23, Atlanta 20: Stan Humphries will be dead, buried and Sunday will come, and he’ll be limping out there.
* San Francisco 28, Washington 10: Norv Turner has taken to picking petals and saying, “He loves Heath, he loves Frerotte, he loves Heath, he loves Frerotte
. . . ”
* Philadelphia 21, Arizona 17: In a unique twist, the Eagles put a bounty on Buddy Ryan’s head: $1.98. The value of all its parts.
* Buffalo 20, NY Jets 19: Buffalo is on the “this week” system. This week we take off, this week we play hard, this week we take off, this week we play hard . . .
* Seattle 19, Cincinnati 6: The Seahawks finally get to go back to the Kingdome after playing three games at the University of Washington Husky Stadium. The bad news is, six of their players re-enrolled in college and have midterms this week.
* LA Rams 20, Denver 14: Derail that Bronco Playoff Express.
* New England 20, Cleveland 14: Vinny Testaverde has a concussion. Bill Parcells was hospitalized with dizzy spells. They ought to call this one The Stream Of Consciousness Bowl.
* Kansas City 24, LA Raiders 13: No fights. No controversies. No arguments. Just a better team.
* Dallas 28, NY Giants 10 (Monday night): If the Lions can do it . . .
* Best pick last week: San Diego 30, Seattle 13 (Chargers won, 35-15).
* Worst pick last week: Kansas City 20, Buffalo 19 (Bills won, 44-10).
* Record last week: 9-3.
* Last week vs. spread: 7-5.
* Season record: 65-48.
* Season vs. spread: 55-56-2.

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