* BROWNS 23, LIONS 14: Ware-fore art thou, victory?
* PHOENIX 1/2, NY GIANTS 0: Hey, neither team has won a game in the last four weeks. Why expect anything?
* BUFFALO 20, DENVER 7: Last week, Dan Reeves used the tag team of Tommy Maddox and Shawn Moore. Against Buffalo, he might want to try Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant.
* DALLAS 20, WASHINGTON 19: As the Cowboys wrap up the division championship, just remember: Jimmy Johnson took over about the same time as Wayne Fontes.
* SAN FRANCISCO 23, MINNESOTA 20: The word is, Joe Montana will be activated by the last game of the season, which is against the Lions. Or was it because the last game of the season is against the Lions?
* PITTSBURGH 20, CHICAGO 14: This week, my old friend Jim Harbaugh promised
“not to take a paycheck” until the Bears win again. That’s $70,000 a game going to charity. Jim is extremely generous. And he has definitely taken too many blows to the head.
* KANSAS CITY 28, NEW ENGLAND 3: Hey, Patriots, good news! That presidential pardon came through! You don’t have to play football anymore!
* TAMPA BAY 28, ATLANTA 20: Atlanta fans were so happy at the signing of Greg Maddux this week, they almost forgot what a lousy football team they have.
* NY JETS 17, INDIANAPOLIS 14: Never bet against emotion.
* PHILADELPHIA 20, SEATTLE -3: One team can’t score. The other doesn’t let you score. Does Seattle have any choice but to go backwards?
* NEW ORLEANS 10, LA RAMS 9: The Rams spent most of the week watching last week’s second half against Tampa. Their coaches might want to show them the first half now.
* SAN DIEGO 20, CINCINNATI 3: You don’t think sports writers are rooting for San Diego to get home-field advantage throughout the playoffs, do you?
* HOUSTON 19, GREEN BAY 14: At the end of the season, Brett Favre is going to be worth a lot of money. I hope he buys himself a vowel.
* (MONDAY NIGHT) MIAMI 24, LA RAIDERS 17: Don Shula remembers coaching against Art Shell — when Shell was playing.
* BEST PICK LAST WEEK: Washington 30, New York Giants 10. (Washington won, 28-10.)
* WORST PICK LAST WEEK: Kansas City 23, Los Angeles Raiders 10. (Raiders won, 28-7.)
* RECORD LAST WEEK: 10-4.
* RECORD VS. SPREAD: 9-4.
* SEASON RECORD: 128-64.
* SEASON VS. SPREAD: 80-96-5.