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MARV TO MTV THE ’86 AWARDS

by | Nov 21, 2008 | Detroit Free Press | 0 comments

NEW YORK — What could possibly be left in this World Series? What could possibly equal the bottom of the 10th, the two-out drama, the hitting, the pitching, the rain? The rain? What could be left in this made-for-TV-deal, except . . .

But of course.

The awards. THE MARV THRONEBERRY “I GOT IT! I GOT IT! . . . I DON’T GOT IT!” AWARD: 1) Bill Buckner, Red Sox, for the ball that went through his legs in Game 6. 2) Tim Teufel, Mets, for the ball that went through his legs in Game 1. 3) NBC, which had to lug its camera crews, the champagne and the championship trophy out of the Red Sox’s clubhouse after the Mets won Game 6. THE ROY HOBBS “I’M TOO SMART AND FAR TOO GOOD-LOOKING FOR ALL THIS” AWARD: 1) Ron Darling. 2) Ron Darling’s wife. 3) John Lowe, Free Press baseball writer. THE SUNKIST “DID WE FORGET OUR PRUNES THIS MORNING?” AWARD: 1) John McNamara, Red Sox, after Game 6: “Don’t ask me about history or any of that crap.” 2) McNamara, after Game 5: “What time is it? What day is it? I don’t know where the hell I am.” 3) McNamara, after Game 2: “I’m done talking.” THE MTV “BEST BASEBALL MUSIC” AWARD: 1) Smokey Robinson’s national anthem medley. 2) . . . medley? 3) How can you top that? THE INDIANA JONES “HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO BAIL YOU GUYS OUT?” AWARD: 1) Dave Henderson. 2) Bruce Hurst. 3) The rain. THE H.L. MENCKEN “I LOVE THE MEDIA” AWARD: 1) Dwight Gooden, Games 1, 2 and 3: “I don’t wanna talk now.” 2) Jim Rice, Game 5: “Hey, we got families to go home to, man.” 3) Dwight Gooden, Games 4, 5 and 6: “I don’t wanna talk now.” THE RUPERT MURDOCH “HOW’S THAT FOR A HEADLINE?” AWARD: 1) “KNOCK THEIR SOX OFF, DARLING” (New York Post, Oct. 18). 2) “LET’S PLAY TWO” (New York Daily News, after Game 5, Oct. 24). 3) “CANNIBALS SHRINK ALIEN’S HEAD” (National Enquirer, all week). THE JACK BENNY “BETTER THIS THAN PAY FOR A TICKET” AWARD: 1) The guy who parachuted to the pitcher’s mound in Shea Stadium, Game 6. 2) Glenn Close singing the national anthem. 3) Tim Lollar. THE DICK THE BRUISER “FANCY CRUSHING YOU HERE” AWARD: 1) Dave Henderson and Ron Darling in Game 1. 2) Gary Carter’s home run off of Steve Crawford in Game 4. 3) The TV camera guy that ran up my back Saturday. Your shoeprint is on my head. But I have your wallet. THE YOGI BERRA “I SAID IT AND I’M PR– WELL, I THINK I SAID IT” AWARD: 1) Ray Knight, Mets: “If anyone says we lack fortitude, I’ll punch them.” 2) Bobby Ojeda, Mets: “This is for the whole banana.” 3) John Kiley, organist at Fenway Park: “We give people music they can hum to, instead of that rock stuff, which is usually about someone committing suicide, anyway.” THE BILL COSBY “WHY IS THERE AIR?” AWARD: 1) Roger Clemens’ fastball. 2) Darryl Strawberry’s bat. 3) Davey Johnson’s brain. THE AMERICAN EXPRESS, “YOU DON’T KNOW ME YET, BUT YOU’LL BE SICK OF ME BY NEXT SPRING” AWARD: 1) Marty Barrett. 2) Dave Henderson. 3) Joe Garagiola. Wait. We’re sick of him already. THE WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE “I THINK, THEREFORE I AM DANGEROUS” AWARD: 1) Davey Johnson, Mets manager, for letting Howard Johnson swing in the ninth inning of Game 6. 2) Johnson, for not pinch-hitting for Dwight Gooden in Game 2. 3) Oil Can Boyd. THE MARQUIS DE SADE “MAY YOU DIE A SLOW AND TORTUROUS DEATH” AWARD: 1) The weatherman. 2) The guy who charges $35 to park near Fenway. 3) The NBC executive who said, “Hey! I’ve got it! Why not start the games at 8:30 p.m.?”

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Mitch Albom writes about running an orphanage in impoverished Port-au-Prince, Haiti, his kids, their hardships, laughs and challenges, and the life lessons he’s learned there every day.

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