The other day I saw something I could not believe, even for the NFL.
During the broadcast of the Thanksgiving game, NBC employed a sports psychologist as an additional analyst to the regular color man. A sports psychologist? On the microphone? Yes. This takes the cake. Even for pro football, this was too, too. . . .
Well. Let me give you a sample of what it was like:
ANNOUNCER: . . . and Jones picks up two yards.
COLOR GUY: Jimbo, he ran off tackle there, and they’ve been going at that spot all day long!
PSYCHOLOGIST: Yes, and the poor lineman has to be feeling bad about himself now.
COLOR GUY: Feeling bad?
PSYCHOLOGIST: Certainly. Soon depression could set in, and he may or may not be subject to mood swings when he gets home.
ANNOUNCER: Mood swings?
PSYCHOLOGIST: Kicking the dog, or punching his wife. Something like that.
COLOR GUY: Is that bad, Doctor?
PSYCHOLOGIST: Well, it can affect the self-image of a player, and ruin his self-actualization, not to mention his relationships and inner serenity. It’s nothing that can’t be taken care of by coming to my office, say, oh, five times a week.
COLOR GUY: Whew.
ANNOUNCER: That’s a relief.
PSYCHOLOGIST: Let me give you my address. . . .
Forget it. Let’s get to this week’s picks. . . .
CHIEFS 27, LIONS 20: I have a feeling about this one.
NY JETS 28, CINCINNATI 27: Although I kind of like having all the teams in the AFC East with the same record of 5-5.
PHILADELPHIA 27, NEW ENGLAND 20: Maybe next week they can all be 6-6.
DENVER 21, SAN DIEGO 20: Elway. Fouts. I suggest the running backs take the day off.
BUFFALO 30, MIAMI 28: Marino. Kelly. I suggest the running ba— no, wait, I used that line already.
MINNESOTA 44, DALLAS 38: Trust me.
ST. LOUIS 14, ATLANTA 10: If these two teams switched uniforms, would anyone even notice?
WASHINGTON 30, NY GIANTS 28: Do you get the feeling the Redskins’ Super Bowl shot is over?
CLEVELAND 24, SAN FRANCISCO 21: Kosar. Montana. I think the running ba—, why does that theme keep coming up?
LA RAMS 21, TAMPA BAY 20: When was the last time these teams met and the Buccaneers had the better record?
HOUSTON 21, INDIANAPOLIS 14: The worst thing about this game is that it means something for the playoffs. Ugh.
CHICAGO 20, GREEN BAY 14: At least the Lions sacked good buddy Jim McMahon seven times last week. I was waiting for tortilla chips to come out of his pockets.
NEW ORLEANS 20, PITTSBURGH 17: Take the bags off, Saints fans. The winning record is now guaranteed.
(MONDAY NIGHT) SEATTLE 30, LA RAIDERS 20: How long do you figure before the inevitable Marcus Allen-Bo Jackson feud?
RECORD LAST WEEK: 9-5.
RECORD AGAINST THE SPREAD: 7-7.
BEST PICK LAST WEEK: Pittsburgh 19, Cincinnati 17 (Pittsburgh won, 20-16).
WORST PICK LAST WEEK: Washington 20, LA Rams 12 (Rams won, 30-26). RECORD FOR THE SEASON: 64-47-1.