Oh, Curt. You sad, misguided soul. How can you pick the Green Bay Packers to win this Super Bowl when everyone knows the Patriots are a lock?
(Ed. note: Mitch Albom is lying through his teeth. He does not believe the Patriots will win.)
The Patriots are the superior team, Curt. They have a better running game and a coach who can win the Big One. What’s the matter? Can’t your 114-year-old eyes see that?
(Ed. note: Never mind the age jokes. Only a fool would believe what Albom is saying.)
Curt, the Patriots are not only going to cover the spread, they’re going to win. Won’t you feel stupid?
(The truth is, Albom is the one feeling stupid. He lost the year-long NFL prediction competition with Curt Sylvester, and was forced to defend New England in this debate. Albom is ashamed and humiliated. Look at him squirm.)
Curt, the Patriots are the sleeper that becomes your worst nightmare. Nobody is giving them a chance. Same thing happened with the Giants in 1991. Remember, Curt?
(He goes with the 1991 story. How pathetic.)
I remember, Curt. You picked the Buffalo Bills, along with the rest of the country? And I picked the Giants.
(Albom chose the Giants because he lost the picks competition again.)
You were wrong. I was right. And it’s going to happen again, Curt. You are blinded by the cheese on your head. By the way, there were some mice asking for you this morning.
(Here he goes with the personal insults, a lame attempt to disguise his pathetic pick.)
The fact is, nobody is giving Curtis Martin credit. Nobody is giving the Patriots’ secondary credit. Nobody is giving Drew Bledsoe credit.
(This is sad. Albom himself wrote a column in yesterday’s paper saying Bledsoe wasn’t ready to win. Is there no end to his shameful lies?)
Also, if you give Bill Parcells two weeks to prepare for a game, you might as well tie your shoelaces together. He will find a way to trip you.
(He’s trying to impress us with metaphors.)
Curt, I will not sink to your level of character assassination, even though I did hear a story about you, a stripper, a papaya and a goldfish bowl.
(Note: This is false. There was no papaya.)
All I want to say is, Curt, for a football writer, I’m surprised you haven’t done a little more homework and a little less home brew.
(Here comes the prediction. At this point, Albom is weeping.)
The Patriots will shock the football world . . .
(Geez, he’s laying it on thick.)
. . . and whip the Packers.
(And elephants can fly.)
Final score: Pats 24, Pack 20.
(Packers 20, Pats 6.)
And remember, Curt, don’t come crawling to me next year for forgiveness.
(Albom is withdrawing from the picks competition, before he humiliates himself beyond repair.)