MORRIS WOULDN’T PASS CONFIRMATION HEARING

THE LIVE ALBOM:

The World Series is here, and I can hardly wait to get to Minnesota and see my old pal, Jack Morris.

Actually, I was thinking about Jack during the Judge Clarence Thomas hearings. I figure if allegedly making cracks about porno films can almost get a man barred from the Supreme Court, then when you tell a female reporter,
“I don’t talk to women when I’m naked unless they’re on top of me or I’m on top of them,” what does that get you? It gets you a Game 1 start in the World Series, that’s what. Baseball justice, ladies and gentlemen. By the way, speaking of the Twins, it has been confirmed: As soon as the Series is over, Kirby Puckett will cut a new record, “Midnight Train To Minneapolis,” under his alter ego, Gladys Knight. More baseball: I have heard the complaints of native Americans about how Atlanta Braves fans should stop that Tomahawk Chop, because it’s an insult to Indian culture. Good reason. Here’s an even better one: It’s annoying as hell. Speaking of chop, did you watch the ax fall on all those managers last week? Joe Morgan gets canned from Boston after two division titles in four years? Jim Lefebvre gets the bye- bye from Seattle, after the best record in club history? Every time I see this, I think about Sparky Anderson, and the Tigers’ league-worst 103 losses two years ago. You think he’d still have the job someplace else? Sparky has been good to the Tigers, but the Tigers have been pretty good to him, too. Speaking of managers, Pittsburgh skipper Jim Leyland has been taking notes throughout the playoffs. This way, if he’s ever fired, he can write a new novel called “Slaughterhouse Six” under his pen name, Kurt Vonnegut. It’s far too early to judge the hockey season, but as I was writing this column, a kid stopped by our office to say hello. “Are you going to the Wings game?” I asked. “Yeah,” he said. “Who’s gonna win?” I said. “St. Louis,” he said. Think we have a little confidence problem here? I’m sorry, but it’s hard to work up any sympathy for Roy Tarpley. Drugs are an awful problem, but three chances? Plus rehab? While you’re still drawing a
$3.08-million salary? Come on. The average guy on the street doesn’t get that. Tarpley will learn this: As of yesterday, he’s one of them again. Wait. Leyland isn’t the only Pirate working on a book. Pitcher Bob Walk is going undercover for his new one, “All The President’s Curveballs,” to be published under his pen name, Carl Bernstein. The Lions are 5-1. The 49ers are 2-4. And the Lions are a seven-point underdog for Sunday. Think we have a confidence problem here? A lot of people made a fuss over Ted Turner during the playoffs. But if you ask me, he’s just Bob Griese with glasses.

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