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MOTHER’S JOB: GIVING ALL THE RIGHT ANSWERS

by | May 12, 1991 | Detroit Free Press, Comment | 0 comments

” . . . ma . . . ma?”

Yes, child. I am your mother.
*

“WAAAAAAAH!”

I’ll get him, honey. You go back to sleep. You have to work in the morning.
*

“Mommeee . . . I wan’ dum! I wan’ dum!”

All right, sweetheart. You can have some. But share with your brother, OK?

“Mommy! Joey threw his truck at me!”

I’m sure it was an accident, honey.
*

“Mommy. Wake up. I feel sic– blecchhhh!

. . . ?
*

“Mom, Susie put Joey in the washing machine.

That’s nice, sweethea . . . SHE WHAT?
*

“Your son is a good student, but he talks too much to his neighbors.”

I’ll speak to him about it, I promise.
*

“BURRRRRRP!”

Say ‘excuse me’ when you do that, honey.
*

“Mom! Can I go as a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle for Halloween? It only costs $40.”

Well, if you really want to . . .
*

“Mom, Joey lit the dog on fire.”

That’s nice, sweetheart . . . WHAT?
*

“NO FAIR! How come Bobby’s parents let him watch TV until 11 o’clock?”

If Bobby’s parents let him jump off a bridge, would you want to do that, too?
*

“Mom. What does ‘hot and sexy’ mean?”

Well, um . . . did you ask your father?
*

“This food is terrible. How come we can’t go to McDonald’s?”

Children are starving in China. Now clean your plate, or you won’t be excused.
*

“Please, mom, can we get a dog, please?”

If you promise to feed it and take it out.
*

RRRRUFFFF! RRRUFFFFF!

Kids, the dog has to go out. . . . Kids? . . .
*

“Hurry up, Ma, we got little league practice, and Joey’s got his piano lesson and Susie’s got to her dentist appointment . . . ”

Coming, I’m coming . . .
*

“I don’t want those, Mom! I want Nikes!”

Nikes?
*

“But Ma, all the other guys are going to sleep-away camp.”

I know, honey, but it’s kind of expens . . . all right. We’ll find a way.
*

“Muhh-ther, I’m 14 years old. Stop treating me like a child.”

Yes, dear. Can I have my lipstick back?
*

“I met this girl in biology class, Mom. She keeps looking at me.”

That’s because she likes you, sweetie . . .
*

“Hey Ma, look. I’m taller than you.”

Good. Now can you reach the sugar?
*

“He’s totally cool, mother. You never like any of the boys I date.”

That’s not true. I just asked why he wears those skull earrings all the time . . .
*

“Mom, I completely bombed on the SAT’s. I’m never going to college.”

You can always take them again . . .
*

“Mom, you and Dad don’t have to come into the dorm. Just drop me here, OK?”

If you say so, honey . . .
*

“Mom, I met this girl

“Mom, I met this boy . . .

“Mom, we’re getting married . . .

“Mom, we’re gonna have a baby . . . ”
*

“Mom, will you be in there with me?”

If that’s what you want, dear.

“HOLD MY HAND, MA! . . . AHHH . . .”

You’re doing fine, honey.
*

“NONO . . . I . . . AWWWWGAWWWD . . . MAMA . . . ”
*

” . . . ma . . . ma?”

Yes, child. I am your mother.
*

Happy Mother’s Day.

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Mitch Albom writes about running an orphanage in impoverished Port-au-Prince, Haiti, his kids, their hardships, laughs and challenges, and the life lessons he’s learned there every day.

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