Hey, Jay, here’s what I don’t get: When you worked in Detroit, you loved the Pistons and hated the Bulls. Now you work in Chicago, you love the Bulls and hate the Pistons. Gee. If that’s all it takes, why not move to New York and just hate everything?

But I understand. They pay your check, you become an instant Chicago sports fan. And why the heck not? Chicago sports fans are a really fun bunch, when they’re not busy throwing up on each other. In fact, my fondest Chicago memories are of brassy sports bars with guys named Pat, Mike, and John, holding mugs of beer out in front of them, and saying “GO BEARS . . . AND, UH, DITKA . . . AND, UH . . . BLEECCCHHH!”

My kind of town, Chicago is.

But obviously, you like it more. You have plopped belly- first onto that Bulls’ bandwagon, just like everyone else did last year, including the referees — at least whenever Michael Jordan touched the ball.

Which brings us to the subject at hand. Pistons-Bulls. You say Chicago is going to beat Detroit. You say the Bulls will win tonight’s rematch. You say the Bulls will will another title. I say: Jay, have you been taking your prescription medication?

We have an expression here in Motown: “If you haven’t done it twice, you haven’t really done it.” The Pistons have back- to-back championship flags hanging from the Palace rafters. What does Chicago Stadium have? One flag and a lot of rats. Sorry, Jay. The rats don’t count.

Detroit has the experience and the know-how. We were all moved by your complaints last year about how “dirty” the Pistons play. You’re right. They sure d- OWWW!

Sorry. Bill Cartwright just stuck an elbow in my eye.

Let’s face it. The Bulls didn’t win anything until they started playing exactly like the Pistons. But you can’t replace the original. And the original is back. Isiah. Joe. Dennis. Bill.

And you have Will Perdue. How lucky you are.

OK. Let’s talk about Jorda–

Whoa. Jay. Get up off your knees. You don’t have to bow and pray just because we mention His name. Jeez. I bet you’re wearing one of those “Be Like Mike” buttons, too. I know I am. But mine says “Be Like Mike — Tell The President You’re Busy.”

I guess they don’t sell that one in Chicago, huh?

Let’s cut to the chase, Jay. Last year was a gift. The Pistons were tired of being champs and getting beat up on every night by crummy teams trying to make a name for themselves. So they let the Bulls have one.

And now they’re back. Prediction: When the season is over, the Pistons will be laughing, while Jordan will be yelling at the Bulls’ owners: “Get me new players, or you’re fired!”

As for you, Jay, I expect to see you in the sports bar with Pat, Mike and John, puking to good old days. Don’t feel bad. There may be an opening in Minnesota, and then you can go there. Timberwolves need love, too.

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