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NAME GAME: CALL ME ELVIS ALBOM

by | Nov 21, 2008 | Detroit Free Press | 0 comments

THE LIVE ALBOM:

* Oh, goody. We now have the 1988 Official Sports Trend: Name Changing. Willie wants to be called Guillermo. Bert Blyleven wants to be called Rik.

* From now on, call me Elvis.
* Rik?
* Well. Forget boredom or the fear of commitment. The best argument I’ve ever seen against marriage is Mike Tyson’s wife and her mother.
* I bet she wins every fight by the third round.
* Years from now, I predict, the biggest mistake of Tyson’s career will be his failure to have signed a pre-nuptial agreement.
* You heard it here first.
* By the way, this is a picture of Frank Bruno. He is Tyson’s next opponent. He is saying his prayers. They go like this: “Dear Mike, hallowed be thy name, please don’t rip my head off and smash my insides and separate my teeth from my face . . . ahhhh-men.”
* Tyson’s going to change his name, too. From now on, he wants to be known as
“God.”
* Have you noticed how Detroit and Boston are on another collision course, this time in baseball? What’s the matter, Beantown? The Celtics weren’t enough?
* Speaking of Boston, how many parties you think John McNamara gets invited to these days?
* I mean, really. The guy gets fired and his ex-team wins 12 in a row. That’s not exactly saying “Gosh we miss you, skipper.”
* I’m glad the Buick Open is back in town, but I’m sorry that Seve Ballesteros, the British Open champ, won’t be playing. I always enjoyed his work as Latka in the TV series “Taxi.”
* Let me get this straight: Washington’s Dexter Manley is guilty of substance abuse and is suspended for 30 days but: 1) He loses no salary. 2) He will be back in time for the season opener. 3) He gets to miss all of training camp.
* Whatever Dexter did, there’s probably 50 guys lining up for it right now.
* It’s July. It’s hot. It’s humid. What a perfect time for the arena football championship.
* By the way, as Steve Crowe reported, they’ll be miking some of the players during that ArenaBowl — but they’re warning them not to use foul language. I can hear it now: PLAYER 1: I’ll get you . . . nasty person! PLAYER 2: Just try it . . . smarty-pants! PLAYER 3: Shush up, you . . . jerks!
* Carl Lewis. Edwin Moses. Mary Decker. Good to see some new faces for these 1988 Olympic Games.
* PREDICTION: If Lewis wins four medals, he willget all the endorsements he missed in ’84 for being such a dork.
* Unless he’s a dork again.
* Speaking of track and field, what happened to Greg Foster at the U.S. Olympic trials (he lost while trying to race with a broken arm) is just wrong. The system we have of selecting our track Olympians — based solely on how they do at that one meet — is foolish. It’s too much pressure. It denies athletes who may be sub-par that week. And it forces them to peak twice — once to make the team in July, and again to win a medal in September.
* In other words, change it.
* Yeah. OK. Like Madonna cared whether her dress was missing.
* Kirk Gibson is hitting .303. Rats.
* You know what I figure? I figure 45-year-old Tommy John made those three errors on one play because it was the only thing in baseball he hadn’t done yet.
* Word from Lions camp is that Darryl Rogers has a new “get- tough” attitude this year. Word from Raiders camp is that Al Davis is missing. Wait a minute. What the . . .?

CUTLINES: Ooooh, Seve Ooooh … Latka? Coach Darryl … Davis?

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Mitch Albom writes about running an orphanage in impoverished Port-au-Prince, Haiti, his kids, their hardships, laughs and challenges, and the life lessons he’s learned there every day.

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