SEOUL, South Korea — I will tell you how much football I have seen in the last two weeks. Twenty minutes. It is shown between 3 and 6 a.m. on Sunday nights here. One game. Usually Buffalo is in it, I don’t know why.
I do know, however, everything you need to know about rowing, yachting, bowling, synchronized swimming, dressage, judo, epee, butterfly, javelin, and rhythmic gymnastics.
Unfortunately, I can’t get a point spread on any of them.
So here are this week’s picks . . .
SAN FRANCISCO 28, LIONS 10: I don’t want to say the 49ers aren’t concerned about the Lions, but Joe Montana took the week off to shop with his wife.
PITTSBURGH 17, CLEVELAND 12: At the start of the season I said the Browns would be in the Super Bowl. Without Bernie Kosar, they’d be lucky to make the Citrus Bowl.
PHILADELPHIA 34, HOUSTON 13: This time, Oilers coach Jerry Glanville will leave four tickets for the U.S. 4×100 Olympic relay team, since they’re not doing anything anyway.
GIANTS 22, REDSKINS 17: They call him Rypien. After New York, they’ll call him Hurtien.
CHICAGO 20, BUFFALO 19: One of these teams is undefeated. And it isn’t the Bears. What’s going on here?
GREEN BAY 2, TAMPA BAY 1: Even an American League East game is better competition than this.
NEW ENGLAND 24, INDIANAPOLIS 21: I don’t want to say Doug Flutie has become unpopular with his Patriot teammates, but when they take a road trip, they check him though baggage claim.
SEATTLE 20, ATLANTA 10: So Brian Bosworth thinks he’s tough, huh? Let him come over here and try some Fettucine Al Fido. We’ll see how tough he is.
DENVER 30, SAN DIEGO 14: That wasn’t John Elway who collapsed in the second half on Monday Night Football. That was his look alike, Mr. Ed.
CINCINNATI 20, LA RAIDERS 19: That wasn’t really the Raiders you saw come from behind Monday night. That was Carl Lewis.
LA RAMS 20, PHOENIX 10: “Ram Tough” isn’t just for Dodge dealers anymore.
NY JETS 23, KANSAS CITY 20: Wait a minute. I thought the Jets were supposed to be lousy? How come they’re 3-1? What’s going on here?
MINNESOTA 31, MIAMI 24: Used to be visiting teams went down to Miami and worried about Dan Marino and Don Shula. Now they worry about their tan lines.
(MONDAY NIGHT) NEW ORLEANS 28, DALLAS 23: If I were the Cowboys, I’d stay out late on Bourbon Street. Real late.
RECORD LAST WEEK: 8-6.
RECORD THIS SEASON: 33-23.
BEST PICK LAST WEEK: Dallas 20, Atlanta 19 (Cowboys won, 26-20).
WORST PICK LAST WEEK: NY Giants 27, LA Rams 20 (Rams won, 45-31).