THE HUDDLE:

All right, HUDDLE UP! Throw your arms around one another and lean in. We are here to answer questions from the football weekend. We are here to call the play for next week’s games. We are here to–

Would you mind getting off my foot?

WHAT’S THE PLAY?

Wait a minute. I’m thinking.

While you’re thinking, Huddle, I gotta tell ya, I am so geeked on the Lions! I am psyched! This is the year, baby! We’re thunderin’! We’re smokin’! We’re cookin’! I’m in the ZON —

Turn your radio down. Take a sedative.

Hey, Huddle, can I get in?

Why, it’s Jeff George, the man who almost beat the Lions, the man with the incredible arm.

That’s right.

Get lost, you hairy goat.

Hey, Huddle, how about that tackle Jason Hanson made to save the touchdown Sunday?

I loved it. For once, I could watch a football player and say, “Hey, I could do that!”

Dear Huddle: If Wayne Fontes is hugging and kissing Jim Brandstatter after one win, what does he do if the Lions make the playoffs?

I don’t want to be there, I’ll tell you that.

Huddle: I am a die-hard Lions fan. How can I show my appreciation for what Scott Mitchell did?

Wait till contract time. Mr. Ford will call you.

What’s your prediction on Deion Sanders?

I predict two press conferences this week.

WHAT’S THE SNAP COUNT?

I’m thinking. I’m thinking.

Mr. Huddle, that guy for Michigan, Amani Toomer, is that his real name?

Toomer is his name. Amani designs his clothes.

Really?

God, are you gullible.

Dear Huddle: I gotta know. Do we have any chance of beating Lou Holtz and the Irish this week?

Sure, if “we” are the Dallas Cowboys.

Hey, Huddle. What’s the NFL injury report?

Glad you asked. The following are questionable for Sunday’s games: Warren Moon, Minn. (homesickness). Jim Kelly, Buff. (bad flashbacks). Buddy Ryan, Ariz. (brain damage).

Hut one, Huddle! I’m a Michigan State fan. And I’m getting nervous about the opener against Kansas, after watching them smoke Houston.

They’re smoking now? Those nice kids?

I mean, they beat Houston bad.

Oh. Relax. Houston is the school that gave us Andre Ware, remember?

Hey, Huddle. The Minnesota Vikings just cut two Heisman Trophy winners, Gino Torretta and Andre Ware. What does this say about the Heisman?

It says it makes a nice hat rack.

Hey, Huddle. Can I get in?

Why, it’s Mark Hartsell, the B.C. kid who threw that 74- yard touchdown pass against Michigan. That was some pass.

Gee, thanks.

Now get lost, Flutie-head.

Hey, Huddle. Did you see Willie Green (The Touchdown Machine) drop a sure TD pass for Tampa Bay on Sunday?

Something happens when a man puts on an orange uniform.

Jim Harbaugh won his opener for Indy, 45-21.

What’s your question, caller?

Uh . . . I forgot.

Bye.

Hey, Huddle. If they have a weekly poll for college rankings, why don’t they have a poll for the pros?

Good idea. This week’s Top 5: 1, Dallas. 2, Kansas City. 3, NY Jets. 4, Miami. 5, Green Bay.

Bottom 3: 26, Houston. 27, Washington. 28, Tampa Bay.

That’s pretty good. How’d you do that?

Seven years of college, pal.

Say, Huddle. Was that really the run ‘n’ shoot Atlanta used Sunday?

I don’t know. It never looked like that when the Lions had it.

That Dan Marino is a stud, isn’t he?

I guess, if you like that type.

Huddle, what do coaches mean when they say a player “has a knee” or “has an elbow”?

It means they need to count again.

WHAT’S THE PLAY?

I’m thinking. I’m thinking.

Hey, Huddle. I guess the Cowboys really miss old Jimmy Johnson.

What was his job again?

What did you think of Florida State’s debut?

I thought they had the nicest sweat suits and sneakers of any team in the nation.

Any new nicknames this week, Huddle?

Yes. Thurman (Squirmin’) Thomas. (Hands Up, I’m The New) Marshall Faulk. And Sterling (Silver Isn’t Good Enough When You Want Gold) Sharpe.

Wow. Cool.

You’re easily impressed.

WHAT’S THE PLAY, FOR PETE’S SAKE?

OK! The play! Michigan, you can run on Notre Dame, do it and you’ll win! Jason Hanson, no more tackling with your legs! Buddy Ryan, go out long . . . and stay there! Holtz, stop whining!

Readddyyyyyyyyyy . . . BREAK!

Wayne, stop kissing Jim! The game’s over!

To submit questions, write The Huddle, c/o Detroit Free Press Sports, 321 W. Lafayette, Detroit 48226, or fax at 1-313-222-5983.

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