It’s not that I wouldn’t like to meet the President. But I figure, hey, why make the trip? I already know what will happen when the Pistons visit the White House today. . . .
In the Rose Garden. . . .
JOHN SALLEY (huddled in the corner with the President): So, you see, George, you and me on this poster deal could be sweet. It’s like, you hold up the Coke can, and I say–.
PRESS SECRETARY: Excuse me, Mr. Salley. I need to get the President up to the podium now.
SALLEY: No sweat. Hey, George. Later, man. We’ll talk some business. Who’s your agent?
BUSH: I, uh . . . huh?
ISIAH (walking around the gardens): Look at this, Mark. We’ve come a long way from the old neighborhood.
MARK AGUIRRE: Yeah. The White House. Wow! What do you think, Dennis?
RODMAN: They got a TGI Friday’s here?
BUSH: (Ahem) Ladies and gentlemen, members of the press. On behalf of the Oval Office, I wish to salute the Detroit Pistons –.
PISTONS: BAAAD BOYS! BAAAD BOYS!
CHUCK DALY: STUFF IT, GUYS! Uh, sorry, Mr. President. We’re all excited here, heh-heh.
BUSH: That’s all right. You must be the coach.
DALY: Yes, sir.
BUSH: Nice suit.
CHUCK: Thank you, sir.
DALY: Actually, this place called–.
PRESS SECRETARY: Excuse me, sir? We better get on with this.
BUSH: Right. Say, where’s that Magic fellow?
PISTONS: WRONG TEAM!
BUSH: Ooops. Sorry. Now then, where were we? On behalf of the Oval Office, I wish to salute the Detroit Pistons, the new champions of the NBA!
PISTONS: YAY! . . . Whee! . . . Where’s the food?
BUSH: While it’s true I have advocated a kinder, gentler approach to things . . .
BRENDAN No. 1 (whisper): He obviously never played Atlanta.
BRENDAN No. 2 (whisper): Or Milwaukee.
BUSH: . . . you men have nonetheless proven something I have always said: A strong defense is necessary to our survival!
FENNIS (whisper): I thought Chuck said that.
MICHAEL (whisper): He said it first, then Bush copied it.
BUSH: I see in the notes here that you won this championship with the help of a Spider and a Worm.
SALLEY: Yes, sir.
BUSH: I find that commendable. Why, I myself love to hunt with my dog, Millie.
DENNIS: Is he calling us dogs?
SALLEY: That’s it, man. He gets 40 percent.
BUSH: Also I see you relied on a Buddha.
JAMES EDWARDS: Yes, your grace.
BUSH: Fine, fine. You know, I spent some time in the Orient myself. Are you a Cantonese man?
EDWARDS: Uh. . . .
VINNIE: He likes the spicy stuff, Szechwan.
BUSH: I beg your pardon?
PRESS SECRETARY: Go on, sir.
BUSH: Yes. Hmmm. Where’s this Dumars?
AAAAAYYYEEE! JOEY! JOEY! OOOOH!
BUSH: What was that?
CHUCK: Oh, that’s just the pack of women who have surrounded him since he won the MVP award.
AGUIRRE: Yeah. Joe’s in there somewhere.
FENNIS: We think.
BUSH: I see. Well, now. Mr. Mahorn?
MAHORN: Present, sir.
BUSH: My, you’re a tall one. Well, Rick, it says here you’ve been a Bad Boy.
MAHORN: Not anymore, sir.
BUSH: Then you’ve learned your lesson?
PRESIDENT: Splendid. You see, our system of reform really can work.
MAHORN: Hey, wait a min–.
ISIAH: Mr. President, on behalf of the team we would like to give you this special, personalized jersey.
BUSH: Hmmm. BAD BUSH? Gee, I’ve only been in office a few months. Give a guy a chance.
ISIAH: No, sir. With us, bad is good.
BUSH: It is?
JOHN LONG: And baddest is best.
BUSH: Well, our vice president will be happy to hear that.
LAIMBEER: Yo, Rick. Look. It’s Dan Quayle.
RICK: Nah, that’s the Howdy Doody dude.
LAIMBEER: Hey, Dan! I voted for you, pal.
QUAYLE: You did?
RICK: You would.
BUSH: Dan, great news! Bad is good.
QUAYLE: It is? Gee, then . . . what’s good?
ISIAH: Finally, Mr. President. We’d like to rap.
BUSH: Fine. Let me get some hammers, and–.
VINNIE: No, what he meant was One-two. . . .
WE ARE THE PISTONS,
TAKE A LOOK
YOU CAN CLOSE THE BOOK
WE MAY HAVE LOST RICKEY,
WE’LL STILL BE TRICKY
IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE THAT
YOU MUST BE LUNATIC-Y
QUAYLE: I have that record. I think.
SALLEY: Yo, George, c’mere. About this Nike thing. Pretty sweet: 60 for me, 40 for you. . . .