* DETROIT 19, INDIANAPOLIS 14: I want you to know that after picking the Lions to lose to Miami last week, and then walking into the Lions locker room after they won, I was greeted by the deafening noise of at least 10 players twice my size screaming, “HEY! LOOK WHO IT IS! THE GUY WHO PICKED US TO LOSE! LET’S
. . . GET HIM!” And based on that new showing of team unity, I am picking them to win this week.
* NY GIANTS 24, CLEVELAND 16: By the way, the Lions, right now, have a better record than the Super Bowl champs. They told me to mention that.
* KANSAS CITY 21, SEATTLE 17: They also have a better record than either of these teams. They wanted me to mention that, too.
* WASHINGTON 29, CINCINNATI 9: Remember last year, when Sam Wyche jokingly appeared at a press conference dressed in a towel? Keep this up, Bengals; that’ll be all Sam has left.
* SAN FRANCISCO 13, LA RAMS 10: Neither Joe Montana nor Jim Everett has thrown a touchdown pass this year. But at least Montana has an excuse.
* DENVER 23, SAN DIEGO 7: By the way, did I mention the Lions have a better record than the 49ers?
* HOUSTON 27, NEW ENGLAND 13: After playing on Monday Night Football, going to New England must feel like going to geometry class.
* NEW ORLEANS 24, MINNESOTA 20: It’s official: Kroger has agreed to purchase all those brown bags the Saints fans used to wear on their heads.
* PHILADELPHIA 13, PITTSBURGH 12: The battle for Pennsylvania. Loser gets Harrisburg.
* LA RAIDERS 17, ATLANTA 13: Black against . . . black?
* MIAMI 30, GREEN BAY 6: This time, if there’s a fourth and goal, it’s not gonna matter.
* BUFFALO 28, TAMPA BAY 10: Biggest threat to the Bills in Tampa is sun poisoning.
* DALLAS 27, PHOENIX 21: But only if Troy Aikman has regained consciousness.
* CHICAGO 34, NY JETS 6 (Monday night): Now honestly. If the Jets weren’t in New York, would this game ever be on Monday Night Football?
* RECORD LAST WEEK: 10-4.
* RECORD VS. SPREAD: 7-5-2.
* SEASON RECORD: 28-14.
* SEASON VS. SPREAD: 18-21-3.
* BEST PICK LAST WEEK: Cleveland 20, Cincinnati 19 (Browns won, 14-13).
* WORST PICK LAST WEEK: Dallas 24, Philadelphia 17 (Eagles won, 24-0).