SOME PISTONS MIGHT FIND PLACES ON CERTAIN NFL TEAMS

Since Pistons season has everyone in this town crazy again, we might as well mix a little basketball in with the football this morning. If the Pistons played in the NFL, what teams would they be with?

* Isiah Thomas: I see him with Houston, at quarterback, replacing Warren Moon.

* Dennis Rodman: Wide receiver, LA Raiders. He already has the bandana.
* Joe Dumars: Tailback, New Orleans. He could drive home.
* Bill Laimbeer: I can’t see him playing football.
* Vinnie Johnson: I keep wondering why he isn’t playing football.
* John Salley: Wide receiver for Atlanta. He’d tell Jerry Glanville, “Yo! Coach. You’re not that funny. You want funny? Listen to me.”

And now, this week’s picks . . .
* Washington 24, Lions 20: Eric Williams gets confused, lines up on the wrong side of the ball and sacks his own quarterback. Unfortunately, it is the only sack the Lions get all day.
* Pittsburgh 35, Atlanta 23: Remember when the Steelers couldn’t score a touchdown?
* Dallas 21, NY Jets 17: Quick. Name me five players on either team.
* Philadelphia 28, New England 14: The NFL this week ordered 2,100 terry-cloth bathrobes for the players. Make sure you send the Patriots some instructions.
* Cincinnati 41, New Orleans 10: Bengals have been on the road so long, they dial 9 when they pick up their home phones.
* Miami 30, Phoenix 7: I want to know how the Dolphins, who were really bad on defense, suddenly got so good on defense. And can they fax it to the Lions?
* San Francisco 23, Green Bay 21: One of these weeks, Joe Montana, in the middle of his typical last-second heroics, is going to look up from the huddle and say, “What was that?” The gun.
* Buffalo 28, Cleveland 21: Jim Kelly and Bernie Kosar skip the game to watch old films with Howard Schnellenberger.
* Chicago 19, Tampa Bay 17: Wait a minute. Did I see Jim Harbaugh last week wearing a . . . headband?
* Houston 33, LA Rams 30: The Rams couldn’t contain Bubby Brister last Monday. Now they’re saying, “Oh, great. Warren Moon next. Great. This is really a fun year.”
* Seattle 17, San Diego 10: Who cares?
* Denver 26, Minnesota 21: You think Jerry Burns is paying for his own drinks these days?
* LA Raiders 17, Kansas City 14: Black is back.
* NY Giants 34, Indianapolis 13 (Monday night): Do the Colts have any quarterbacks left?
* Record last week: 8-4.
* Record vs. spread: 8-4.
* Record for season: 70-32.
* Season vs. spread: 55-46-1.
* Best pick last week: San Francisco 24, Cleveland 17. 49ers won, 20-17.
* Worst pick last week: Indianapolis 20, Miami 13. Dolphins won, 27-7.

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